Encouragement to do things that truly replenish her physically, mentally, and emotionally will be the most welcome gift for any mom figure in your life. Ahead are 44 self-care Mother’s Day gift ideas to get you started.

The best self-care Mother’s Day gifts at a glance:

• Best spa gift: The Now Gift Card, starting at $50
• Best at-home massage gift: Nekteck Shiatsu Neck and Back Massager with Soothing Heat, $50
• Best postpartum gift: Bodily Care for Birth Box, $89
• Best skin-care gift: OSEA Anti-Aging Skincare Duo, $148
• Best haircare gift: GHD Duet Style 2-in-1 Hot Air Styler, $399
• Best luxury beauty gift: Dr. Dennis Gross DRx SpectraLite FaceWare Pro, $455
• Best bath gift: Spa Prive Bath Pillow, $20
• Best gift for the home: Creekside Farms Seasonal Wreath Subscription, $328
• Best foodie gift: Brightland The Artist Capsule, $150
• Best beverage gift: Figlia Non-Alcoholic Aperitivo, $43
• Best clothing gift: Minnetonka Berkyn Booties, $50
• Best fitness gift: ClassPass Gift Card, choose your amount

Wellness gifts:

The Now Gift Card — $50.00

On top of getting Mom a gift card for a relaxing massage, this gesture should come with a ride to the nearest parlor to make sure she uses it. That won’t be an issue if you gift credit to The Now, which is a series of unfussy (but still luxe) massage boutiques that began in Los Angeles but have now spread across the country in over 130 locations.

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Slow North Neck Wrap — $54.00

You may think you’re hunched over your phone and laptop at all hours of the day—but add a child to the mix? Mom’s in a perpetual state of hunched-ness, so this neck wrap can be a literal warm welcome to ease her body. While she could technically throw some frozen peas at the problem, we love that these wraps are hand-made in Austin, Texas, and can be warmed up in the microwave for heat therapy (in around one minute!) or cooled in the freezer for cold therapy. The handles make it easy to apply anywhere she’s achy and the prints make the whole thing a bit more personal.

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The Fullest Warm Feelings Sachets — $46.00

If you can’t be there in person, these latte powders are essentially a big hug in a cup. The caffeine-free mix includes saffron, coconut water powder, cardamom, and tapioca; once warmed up, the whole thing smells so good you’ll be lucky if you can eek out a sachet for yourself when you come to visit.

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Hot Water Bottle Rubber with Soft Cover — $13.00

A classic form of body ache relief is a rubber hot water bottle, and if she already has one, spice up her routine with a new slipcover. This under-$15 gift looks way more expensive than it actually costs, and it has a large anti-leak stopper so she can rest dry and easy.

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Nekteck Shiatsu Neck and Back Massager with Soothing Heat — $50.00

While we’re all for personalization when it comes to Mother’s Day gifts, there’s nothing wrong with taking hints from the crowd for a guaranteed hit. This Nekteck massager is one of the top-selling wellness and relaxation products on Amazon, with over 36,000 five-star reviews. Customers applaud its ability to soothe herniated disc issues, provide relief from neck stiffness, and subsequently improve their range of motion.

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Intelligent Change Night Notes Journal — $20.00

Whether she’s going through postpartum changes, perimenopause, menopause, or just the general business of having a uterus, hormone-induced insomnia is real. This journal will help her clear her mind before sleep, whether she’s writing down tomorrow’s to-dos, penning brilliant midnight ideas, or recalling her dreams.

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Moon Juice Magnesi-Om — $42.00

Mom’s way of unwinding may be with her fingers wrapped around something warm and inviting, so throw Moon Juice’s Magnesi-Om into the mix to really get the relaxation going. The pink powder tastes as good as it looks (a subtle berry flavor) and can help with things like sluggishness, irritability, or general aches and pains.

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Bodily Care for Birth Box — $89.00

When putting together a registry or baby shower list, one of the most forgotten items is a little something for the soon-to-be mom. (And, yes, you can absolutely gift the pregnant woman in your life a Mother’s Day gift!) This box contains everything the new mom will need to take care of her body and ensure she doesn’t forget to take care of herself in the early postpartum weeks.

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Beauty gifts:

Chanel, Rouge Coco Ultra Hydrating Lipstick — $45.00

Full, creamy coverage that never leaves lips dry—there’s a reason why Chanel lipstick is so coveted (and iconic). Not to mention, the colors are classically vibrant (our favorite is the orange-red Coco) and long-lasting. Functionality aside, it’s always fun to receive a lil’ gift with those two iconic, intertwined Cs on the label. It’s not something Mom would likely buy herself, so treat her to something special (we promise she’ll love it endlessly).

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Paume Overnight Hydration Gloves — $14.00

Have her hands seen better days? These hydrating gloves from Paume are made of soft organic cotton and, when paired with a restorative balm, can work wonders for dry, cracked, and overworked hands overnight. Yes, really. Side effects include not being able to tap away at her phone before bed, which is plus in our book.

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Chillhouse The Chill Line Chill Tips — $16.00

If Mom laments not having enough time to get her nails done, give her some easy-to-use press-ons for a near-instant manicure. We like Chill Tips because they come in minimalist designs, are easy to use, and look just like a gel mani without the wait (or price tag).

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OSEA Miracle Moisture Trio — $64.00

A hallmark of aging skin is dryness, and if she’s been looking to get her glow back, stop her search with this simple duo from OSEA (a woman—and mom—owned beauty brand). It includes a serum that restores the skin’s moisture barrier and a rich cream that softens and smoothes out the skin. Each product smells like the dreamiest ocean breeze, with a hydrating wear that feels like silk.

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Wonder Valley Serum & Stone — $132.00

A first-thing self-care ritual can do wonders, and if she’s into skin care, she’ll love starting a Gua Sha practice. This set actually comes from a brand that specializes in oils, which is a natural segue into lymphatic drainage. The serum is a mix of botanical oils that creates a comfortable, hydrated surface; the stone of choice is Mookaite Jasper, which is said to have cleansing and balancing properties.

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Hatch Mama Must-Haves Kit — $128.00

Whether the expecting mom on your gift list is into beauty or doesn’t have any semblance of a routine, she’ll appreciate this pregnancy self-care gift set. It includes simple necessities that are safe for Mama and (soon to be earthside) Baby, like a nourishing belly oil, a cooling cream, and a protective lip and nipple balm that she can use now and later.

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GHD Duet Style 2-in-1 Hot Air Styler — $399.00

Meet the ultimate time-saver in hair styling; particularly if Mom has wavy or curly hair that she prefers to wear straight. With this Hot Air Styler, she won’t have to wait until her hair is dried to begin using—or worse, blow dry and then straighten. It’ll leave her with a bouncy blow-out style without the sputtering or frying that comes with flat ironing her hair before she ought to.

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Westman Atelier The Petal Edition Set — $134.00

Westman Atelier is a beauty line founded by legendary makeup artist Gucci Westman. The products work on everyone, but especially for those with more mature skin and less time to get ready. This set—inspired by Westman’s daughter, Petal—includes a multi-purpose blush stick, a luxurious lip balm, and a highlighter, all in rose-pink hues that’ll impart a bouncy, juicy-looking glow to Mom’s face.

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Kitsch Satin Pillowcase for Hair & Skin — $19.00

Keep the good hair day going and going with a satin pillowcase from Kitsch. Not only are these silk-soft places to rest her skin on, but they can help ward off hair breakage (especially if she does partake in frequent heat-styling).

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Summer Fridays The Vault — $375.00

The bag speaks for itself. Gift her the ultimate at-home self-care set with Summer Fridays’ “vault” of products. The set includes 11 best-selling products that’ll give love to Mom’s skin from head to toe. She’ll get full sizes of everything from Summer Fridays’ now-classic Jet Lag Mask to its new Lip Butter Balm.

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Jillian Dempsey Gold Sculpting Bar — $195.00

If she tends to favor beauty tips from her favorite actresses, gift mom this celeb-loved Jillian Dempsey Gold Sculpting Bar. It’s a preferred face-contouring tool of Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Aniston, Alicia Keys, and even Dempsey’s husband (yep!) McDreamy (Patrick Demspey) himself.

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Dr. Dennis Gross DRx SpectraLite Dpl FaceWare Pro — $455.00

LED light therapy has been proven to be beneficial to the skin in a number of ways: diminishing fine lines and wrinkles, warding off acne, and reducing inflammation, to name just a few. If you’ve got a big budget to bestow on Mom, this trusted mask from Dr. Dennis Gross is all but guaranteed to be put to use each day.

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Dedcool, Hand + Body Wash in "Milk" — $28.00

Upgrade her $5 body wash for something more luxurious—like with Dedcool’s Hand and Body Wash in the perfume brand’s best-selling scent, “Milk.” With notes of bergamot, amber, and musk, the best way we can describe the scent is “expensive,” but in a totally unpretentiously way. Gentle ingredients leave skin supple, smooth, and ultra clean.

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SK-II Facial Treatment Essence — $190.00

This celeb-beloved treatment essence is worth the hype. Formulated with the Japanese brand’s proprietary base ingredient, Pitera (a bio-ingredient that comes from yeast fermentation, designed to mimic your skin’s natural pH levels and has more than 50 nutrients like amino acids and minerals) works overtime to brighten dark spots, hydrate, and smooth out fine lines.

 

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Home gifts:

Creekside Farms Seasonal Wreath Subscription — $328.00

Flowers are great, but you know what’s even better? A subscription of wreaths that’ll welcome Mom and her guests with each season. This may be one of the most memorable gifts for any home enthusiast, but especially any mom figure who will think of you whenever she opens or closes her front door.

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Tekla Set of Three Striped Organic Cotton Towels — $155.00

There’s nothing quite like frayed towel edges finding their way around your toes to completely snap you out of a relaxing shower experience. These organic cotton towels are as soft as they are beautiful, and will instantly add some pizzazz to her bathroom decor.

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Cozy Earth Waffle Bath Robe — $170.00

Robes are a classic Mother’s Day gift for a reason. They’re as comfortable as a practical object can be— especially if you get one from the Oprah-loved brand, Cozy Earth. These waffle bath robes are made of viscose from bamboo which means they feel the opposite of dry and scratchy.

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Lollia Imagine Bubble Bath — $70.00

Another trademark Mother’s Day gift is bubbly, for the bath. This is a top-rated item at Anthropologie because the vessel for the bubble bath is a visual gift, whether she puts it to use or not.

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Spa Prive Bath Pillow — $20.00

If Mom is an avid bath-taker (good on her), then she’s probably been dreaming of a bath pillow to keep her comfortably propped up or languidly reposed during her favorite time of day.

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Edie Parker Egg Pipe — $60.00

This isn’t your mama’s pipe—figuratively speaking, of course. This Edie Parker egg pipe is at the intersection of decor and practicality for cannabis lovers and will help her take Mom’s Day to new heights.

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The Citizenry Stonewashed Linen Sheet Set — $289.00

Does Mom get night sweats? A set of linen sheets will help keep her cool—and look beautiful on her bed whether they’re done or undone. These sheets from The Citizenry are made in Portugal with a stone-washing method, which means they’re already broken in and primed for her most comfortable snoozes yet.

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Newton Baby Pregnancy Pillow — $80.00

If you think you’re the most supportive thing in her life, guess again. A pregnancy pillow is another need for soon-to-be moms, and this one provides crucial support for her back and belly as she gets bigger. Newton (which specializes in baby mattresses) created a breathable pillow with extra memory foam that can be used now for side sleeping, and later as a regular body pillow.

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Hatch Restore Sunrise Alarm Clock — $130.00

Yes, she may have given you a few rude awakenings when you were a moody teenager, but you can help Mom wake easily with the Hatch Restore (so much more than an) Alarm Clock. She can stream meditations, sound baths, and more on the clock, as well as adjust the lighting to transport her to faraway mountaintops and seasides.

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Fable The Speckled Vase — $70.00

No Mother’s Day would be complete without flowers, and since you’re going to buy her some (set your reminder now) add a beautiful vase that she can reuse for her own arrangements. We love this jumbo ceramic vessel from Fable that’s suitable for the biggest, most glorious bouquets her dining room table can handle.

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Diptyque Limited Edition Cherry Blossom Candle — $74.00

Mother’s Day always falls on the most springy of spring days, which makes us want to run out and buy the nearest bouquet. But what’s better than a bouquet (and longer-lasting)? A candle that smells like spring. And not just spring, but cherry blossoms. Diptyque’s newest scent is an ode to cherry blossom trees, and it’s a clean and floral scent she won’t be able to stop sniffing. And when she’s done, the empty glass makes for a gorgeous makeup brush holder she can keep forever.

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Coop, The Original Pillow — $60.00

The W+G editors have been sleeping on Coop pillows for months, and we’re not being hyperbolic when we say our sleep has improved tenfold. Made of memory foam (which you can customize) and microfiber, the Coop Original pillow is great for head and neck support without being stiff. The Lulltra cover is machine washable, and Mom can rest easy that it’s Greenguard Gold and CertiPur-US-certified.

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Food gifts:

Cometeer Coffee Gift Box — $79.00

The art of pour-over may have never been her thing, but if she appreciates a solid cup of coffee, Cometeer is all she needs. The company partners with reputable roasters from all over the globe to create highly potent (and delicious) frozen coffee drops that instantly melt in water, but can also be brewed as ice coffee if she wants.

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Uncommon Goods Heart-Shaped Tea Bags — $36.00

For some, self-care doesn’t happen unless there’s tea involved. These blends (five each of English Breakfast, Earl Grey, and White Berry) come in cute heart-shaped bags that are guaranteed to make her smile.

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Le Creuset Mini Cocotte With Heart Knob — $32.00

If she’s already a fan of Le Creuset, build out her collection (and keep the heart theme going) with a cute as heck cocotte for her best-ever casseroles.

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Brightland The Artist Capsule — $150.00

There’s a time for bargain olive oil and there’s a time for fancy olive oil, and the latter is the only appropriate situation for Mother’s Day. Brightland makes inventive blends that you can bet Mom will almost certainly dub “the good oil” and may be so precious about them that she won’t even withstand opening the bottles. That’s okay, they’ll sit pretty on her counter in the meantime.

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Caraway Nonstick Ceramic Cookware Set (12 Piece) — $395.00

Name a more frustrating cooking situation than non-stick pans that stick. It’s impossible! Self-care in the kitchen really does mean getting a set of pans that don’t require an arm workout après dinner and you’ll be hard-pressed to find any that are quite as beautiful and functional as the ones from Caraway.

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Figlia Non-Alcoholic Aperitivo — $43.00

Has Mom always been more of an aperitif kind of gal, or is she extending Dry January through the rest of the year? Introduce her to Figlia. The ruby red drink has notes of orange, ginger, clove, and chamomile, for a sip that’s as comforting as it is invigorating.

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Apparel gifts:

Lunya Off Duty Kit ​​ — $197.00

You know your mom better than anyone, so why not pick out her ultimate sleeping attire? With this customizable set from Lunya, you can choose the perfect long-sleeve and pant combination for Mom.

Sizes available: XS-XL (top and bottoms)
Colors: Brown, blue, black, grey, white
Material: Organic pima cotton

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The M Jewelers Double Pave Butterfly Necklace — $100.00

Was your childhood filled with mommy-and-me outfits? This double pave necklace will be a nice homage to simpler times. The piece features a small and large crystal butterfly on gold vermeil chains.

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Minnetonka Berkyn Booties — $25.00

Slippers are a foolproof gift on Mother’s Day, but if she needs a pair that provides a bit more coverage so she can wear them outside of the house, Minnetonka’s Brekyn shoes are the one. They’re so popular that they’re hard to find in-stock, but we get it. A boot that wears as comfortably as a sock, with a cute faux-shearling exterior? We’ll take a pair for ourselves.

Sizes available: Women’s 5 – 10
Colors: Pink, navy, and golden tan
Material: Polyester faux-shearling upper with a rubber sole

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Parks Project Night Flower Friends Crewneck — $59.00

Originally $82, now $60

Parks Project is like a gigantic love letter to the States’ national parks—find cozy hoodies, crew necks, tees, mugs, and candles designed in homage to the great natural beauties like Yosemite, Joshua Tree, Yellowstone, and more. Every purchase gives back to the National Parks, so if your mom is a big hiker and nature lover, she’ll love the cause. And she’ll also love how luxurious and soft this vintage-style crewneck will feel (the more you wash it, the softer it gets!).

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Birdies, The Starling — $130.00

Mom’s feet deserve the best—which is why we’ll always recommend a pair of Birdies, which feature seven-layer comfort (what the brand is known for) and a plush fit. They’re like slippers disguised as flats: Wear them to brunch, on errands, or around the house—they’re versatile like that (and come in tons of colors, patterns, and materials).

Sizes available: 5-12

Colors: 12+

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Fitness gifts:

Hilma Running Shoes — $159.00

It can be hard to give shoes you know she needs as a surprise, so why not collaborate? Take Mom through Hilma’s fit quiz and get her a pair of running shoes that you’ll both know she’ll love.

Sizes available: Up to 45 size variations
Colors: Green, grey, purple
Material: Sugarcane-based foam and breathable mesh upper

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Pointe Studio Reformer Loop Gift Box — $85.00

Pilates is a workout that people of all ages can participate in, including seniors, since it focuses on balance, strength, and flexibility. This gift box will help mom start or keep her practice going, with grippy socks, a non-slip inflatable ball, and a versatile resistance band that she can use on a mat or reformer.

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Alo Moves Membership — $120.00

Make her on-demand yoga dreams come true with an Alo Moves membership. There are all kinds of classes—from yoga to barre to HIIT workouts and even meditation—that are offered for beginners, intermediate, and advanced practitioners.

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ClassPass Gift Card — $50.00

We know it may seem easy to give a gift card, but this is one Mom is guaranteed to love. She’ll be able to hop around the city to her favorite workouts or try new classes without worrying about spending her credits—and everything is on her time since ClassPass gift cards never expire.

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Lululemon, The Everywhere Belt Bag — $38.00

For the Mom who wants a bag that’ll hold the essentials as she’s on her way to the gym or grocery store: Meet the Lululemon Everywhere Belt Bag. It’s so good, it’s almost always sold out—so snag it while you can. (W+G editors can confirm, it really is worth the cash—it’ll hold all the essentials, plus it has the perfect amount of compartment to keep your stuff organized.)

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“It’s important to support and read books written by AAPI authors because it amplifies their voices and experiences, which may be different from ones we have been taught in school or exposed to in the media,” says Magdalene Lim, a bookseller at Yu and Me Books. The bookstore, which opened in December of 2021 and became New York’s first Asian-American, woman-owned bookstore, became a space to share immigrant stories while bringing visibility to AAPI authors. By reading books by AAPI authors, “it also helps to challenge the dominant narratives that have been perpetuated in literature and media for so long.”

From memoirs that explore themes of family, love, and community to thrilling fiction, these impassioned books help us learn and connect with each other. Without further ado, go check out these stand-out reads.

"Who Is Wellness For" by Fariha Róisín — $19.00

What it’s about:

In Who Is Wellness For (published in 2022) Fariha Róisín investigates the commodification and appropriation of wellness, while examining her own journey. Part-memoir, Róisín also details her journey of gender dysmorphia, fatphobia, and chronic illness. Who Is Wellness For confronts the imbalances in health, healing, and provides a path forward that is inclusive for all.

Who is Fariha Róisín?

Based in Ontario, Canada, Fariha Róisín is a Muslim queer Bangladeshi artist. Her work expands across disciplines, from writing to poetry, and her work catalyzes conversations about wellness, queer identity, and contemporary Islam.

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"Beautiful Country" by Qian Julie Wang — $13.00

What it’s about:

A New York Times bestseller, Beautiful Country (published in 2021) portrays a vivid account of Qian Julie Wang’s experience living in America as an undocumented child, helping her family navigate through the health-care system, and coming of age in one of the richest countries in the world while living in poverty. It’s a story about resilience, hardship, and the immigrant experience.

Who is Qian Julie Wang?

Beyond being a New York Times bestselling author, Qian Julie Wang is a civil rights litigator and managing partner at Gottlieb & Wang, LLP. Her writing and litigation work centers around advocating for historically excluded communities.

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"All My Rage" by Sabaa Tahir — $10.00

What it’s about:

In this novel (published in 2022), Sabaa Tahir writes a profound and emotionally moving story about three main characters: Misbah, Salahudin, and Noor. Misbah is an immigrant struggling to run her motel business; Salahudin is Misbah’s son and is trying to fit in during his last year of high school; Noor, Salahudin’s best friend, wants to desperately go to college to leave her small town. Their stories are beautifully woven together to tell a story about truth, forgiveness, and love in the Pakistani community.

Who is Sabaa Tahir? 

Sabaa Tahir is a Pakistani American author and novelist based in San Francisco. She’s best known for her New York Times bestselling book An Ember in the Ashes. In 2022, she won the National Book Award for All of My Rage.

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"Crying in H Mart" by Michelle Zauner — $25.00

What it’s about:

Crying in H Mart (published in 2021) is a tear-jerking memoir about musician Michelle Zauner’s journey with grief, food, and love. After losing her mother to cancer, Zauner reckons with her Korean identity, upbringing in Eugene, Oregon, and finds a way to reclaim her identity through memories of her mom, cooking, and heaping plates of food.

Who is Michelle Zauner? 

Beyond her beautiful and vulnerable writing, Michelle Zauner hits her notes as the lead vocalist of the alternative pop band Japanese Breakfast. Identifying as a Korean American, Zauner was raised in Eugene, Oregon where she grew her love for all things music. The musician ballooned to fame after her 2016 hit album “Psychopomp.”

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"The Making of Asian America" by Erika Lee — $15.00

What it’s about:

A historical account of the past 50 years, The Making of Asian America (published in 2016) shows how generations of Asian immigrants and American-born descendants have shaped the history of the nation, from community activism to the struggle of overcoming racism. This book brings the histories of Asian people in the United States to the forefront.

Who is Erika Lee?

Lee is an award-winning historian and author, and serves as the director of Immigration History Research Center at the University of Minnesota. When she’s not teaching, she testifying before Congress about anti-Asian discrimination and violence.

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"Arsenic and Adobo" by Mia P. Manansala — $16.00

What it’s about:

In the middle of a horrible breakup, Lila Macapagal moves back home to save her auntie’s failing restaurant. But when a nasty food critic, who happens to be Lila’s ex-boyfriend, drops dead after a confrontation with Lila, Lila’s life is quickly thrown for a swerve. Left with no choice, Lila has to investigate the death on her own. Mia P. Manansala marries a story of humor, mystery, and thrills onto the chopping block of this novel (published in 2021).

Who is Mia P. Manansala? 

Hailing from the 312, aka Chicago, Manansala is a writer and book coach who turned her love for baking into words. Her work encompasses themes of Filipino identity, pop culture, and queerness. Outside writing, Manansala is a pet mom to two doggies: Gumiho and Max Power.

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"Have You Eaten Yet?" by Cheuk Kwan — $24.00

What it’s about:

For decades, Chinese restaurants across the globe have been the epicenter of community, immigration, and of course, delicious food. In Cheuk Kwan’s book (published in January, 2023), he brings the personal stories of chefs, entrepreneurs, and dreamers across the globe to life in this travelogue. Kwan reminds us that behind every meal, there’s always a backstory.

Who is Cheuk Kwan? 

Born and raised in Hong Kong, Cheuk Kwan now resides in Toronto and serves as the co-founder of The Asianadian, a magazine dedicated to advancing the understanding of art, politics, and culture of the Asian Canadian community. When he’s not publishing content, he’s sharing his love for travel and Chinese culture through cinema.

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"Stay True" by Hua Hsu — $24.00

What it’s about:

If you’re looking for a gripping memoir to read, Stay True (published in 2022) is a story about friendship, grief, and the search of self and solace through art. When Ken, who befriends Hsu, is tragically killed in a carjacking, Hsu tries to make sense of his life and embraces his search for meaning and belonging.

Who is Hua Hsu? 

Based in the Big Apple, Hsu is a writer and professor of English at Bard College. His investigative work explores topics of immigrant culture in the United States as well as perceptions of diversity and multiculturalism. He’s also a staff writer at The New Yorker, where he’s served as a contributor since 2014.

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"I Want To Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki" by Baek Sehee — $22.00

What it’s about:

Using reflective micro-essays, Baek Sehee shares her intimate conversations with her psychiatrist in this part memoir, part self-help book (published in 2022). She unveils her behaviors and thoughts that kept her in a viscous cycle of harmful behaviors. For anyone who has felt alone or struggled with hopelessness, this is a book you’ll want to keep on your bookshelf to come back to over and over.

Who is Baek Sehee? 

Sehee is a South Korean creative writer. After being diagnosed with dysthymia, which is persistent mild depression, Sehee began working on essays inspired by her therapy sessions. When she’s not writing, she loves to munch on tteokbokki, aka spicy rice cakes (yum).

 

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"Halo Halo" by Justine Ramos — $14.00

What it’s about:

Halo Halo (published in 2021) by Justine Ramos is a poetic bite of history, identity, revolution, and food. Through slam style poetry, readers get a glimpse into Ramos’ navigation of her Philipinx identity and experience with immigration, juggling cultural identities, and holding onto her native tongue. Above the poetry, there’s an underlying message that revolution and growth are possible.

Who is Justine Ramos? 

A first-generation Philipinx immigrant, Ramos is a poet, mentor, and award winner of LA’s Youth Poet Laureate Program. After finishing up her degree in English and global health from UCLA, she received her doctoral degree in occupational therapy at Tufts University. Her work explores the intersection of creativity and rehabilitative medicine.

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"Rise" by Jeff Yang, Phil Yu, and Philip Wang — $27.00

What it’s about:

In this step-by-step book (published in 2022), Yang, Yu, and Wang chronicle how we arrived at today’s cultural representation of Asian Americans. Through interactive infographics, Rise uncovers historic Asian American landmarks, offers graphic essays from AAPI artists, and celebrates Asian American cultural icons. It’s a bustling celebration of and love letter to the AAPI community.

About the authors: 

Jeff Yang is the founder of A Magazine and a contributing writer for CNN, Quartz, and Slate. He was the former Asian Pop columnist at the San Francisco Chronicle.

Phil Yu is a Los Angeles-based founder and editor of an Asian American news and culture blog titled Angry Asian Man. His writing appears in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, NPR, and more.

Co-founder of Wong Fu Productions, Phillip Wang channels his creative work through short films, music videos, and other content. He currently resides in Los Angeles.

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"Yolk" by Mary HK Choi — $12.00

What it’s about:

This novel follows the tale of June and Jayne, two sisters who grew apart but were brought back together under less-than-ideal circumstances. When June is diagnosed with cancer, the two sisters must confront their differences. In Yolk (published in 2022), Choi explores themes of family, sisterhood, and the challenges of growing up.

Who is Mary H.K. Choi? 

Choi is a New York Times bestselling author of three books: Emergency Contact, Permanent Record, and Yolk. Her work has appeared in The Atlantic, The New York Times, and GQ. Beyond the pen and paper, she is a podcaster for Hey, Cool Life! and Hey, Cool Job! She currently lives in Brooklyn, New York.

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Soulful eyes, germy mouth

According to the American Kennel Club, a dog’s mouth contains around 600 types of bacteria, which is similar to what people have. There’s some species overlap there, but dogs also carry unique germs that humans aren’t equipped to fight off. Some of these microbes are zoonotic, meaning they can jump between species, and cause infections.

There’s also evidence based on a 2022 genetic study, published in Antibiotics, that canine saliva has plentiful numbers of bacteria containing transferable antimicrobial resistance genes. These dangerous genes may promote antibiotic resistance in humans, which you definitely don’t want.

Bacteria from dogs have a very low chance of penetrating intact skin, but they can get into your system through broken skin and mucus membranes like your eyes, nose, and mouth.

“All animals and people have bacteria, yeast, and viruses (called the oral microbiome) living in their mouths,” says Heather Berst, VMD, a veterinarian at Zoetis. “Many of these organisms are beneficial, but a few can be harmful if transmitted to people from dogs. The ones to be most concerned about are Clostridium, E. coli, salmonella, and campylobacter.”

Dogs can also have intestinal parasites like heartworm that they spread by licking, although Dr. Berst says parasites are more likely to spread through dog poop than by oral transmission.

And what about when Fido, you know, eats that poop? This icky habit is referred to as coprophagia, but whatever you call it, it’s gross, especially if your dog wants to lick your face afterward. “The fact that dogs eat poop is a concern for many people, but this doesn’t necessarily pose a significant risk to humans,” says family medicine physician Laura Purdy, MD, MBA. “While eating poop can introduce harmful bacteria into a dog’s mouth, the risk of transmission to humans from a dog’s lick is still relatively low.”

How worried should you be about a dog licking your face?

Your sweet doggy doesn’t know their mouth is a germ cesspool. They only know they love you and want to show it. The risks of transmission from licking your face are relatively small, but not non-existent, So, what’s a dog owner to do?

Dr. Berst isn’t only a veterinarian, she’s also a dog mom to Dottie, a highly affectionate rescue Chinese crested dog. “Every time I come home, Dottie gets super excited and crazily licks my face while wagging her tail—and I let her. That being said, I think you need to talk to your physician and your veterinarian if your dog licks your face regularly, as there can be some risks,” she says.

Dr. Berst and Dr. Purdy both feel that the most critical things to consider are the dog’s health status, and the person’s overall health. People with compromised immune systems should avoid having their dog lick them on the face. Elderly individuals and children should also show added caution.

How to protect yourself from dog germs

To start with, regular veterinary care for your pet is a must. This should include preventatives, like vaccines, that decrease the chance of transmitting zoonotic diseases to you and your family. “Make sure your pet is tested for parasites (worms) and is on a parasite preventative,” Dr. Berst says. “They should also be vaccinated for diseases such as rabies, and have their teeth cleaned regularly.”

Your dog’s diet also matters. Raw diets have become popular, but many veterinarians, including Dr. Berst, discourage their use. “Raw food diets increase the risk of transmitting food-borne illnesses. If I was around a dog and the owner fed the dog raw food, I would be cautious about that dog licking my face,” Dr. Berst says.

Also be wary around strays, who may eat moldy or rotted food off the street. Those that aren’t vaccinated or cared for may be more likely to carry disease. If you see a stray, contact a dog rescue organization that can get it the care it needs, and a forever home. In the meantime, stay clear of doggy kisses from dogs you aren’t familiar with.

Even if your dog gets optimum care, it’s a good idea to stop them from licking areas of open skin, like cuts and scrapes. “Even a healthy dog’s mouth may contain Pasteurella, a bacterium which can cause skin infections,” says Dr. Purdy. She also warns against Capnocytophaga canimorsus, a rare bacteria that can cause severe illness in people with weakened immune systems.

If your dog licks an open wound or bites you (it happens), contact your healthcare provider right away. Signs of infection like redness, swelling, or pus-like discharge require medical attention asap.

How to safely get love from your dog (and how to give it, too)

The symbiosis between humans and animals is clear. You probably need your dog’s unconditional love as much as they need yours. If you and your dog are both healthy, there’s no real need to forgo at least some of those loving, slobbery kisses.

If, however, you wish to be cautious or have cause for concern, Dr. Berst recommends training your dog to sit when you arrive home and wait for a treat or high-five, instead of a kiss. Cuddle sessions and petting are another powerful way to deepen your bond without the risk of swapping germs.

Properties of the May birthstone: The grounding and protective emerald

• Birthstone color: Green
• Element: Earth
• Planet: Mercury
• Chakra: Heart
• Origin: Colombia, Brazil, and Zambia

Emeralds are a variety of the mineral beryl, making them a close relative of aquamarine, which happens to be one of the two March birthstones. They get their green color from chromium, according to integrative medicine and crystal expert Elizabeth Trattner, AP, DOM, the owner of wellness center The Helia House. What’s more, they are often regarded as precious stones, alongside diamonds, rubies, and sapphires. The gem is commonly sourced from Colombia, Brazil, and Zambia. However, they can also be found in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Russia, Australia, and in some areas of the United States.

Birthstone meaning and symbolism of emerald

The name emerald is derived from the Greek word smaragdus for “green,” which is apropos, considering the gem’s verdant hue is one of its most striking features. Referred to as the “jewel of the kings,” it was long beloved by royalty, including Queen Cleopatra, who was said to adorn herself with emeralds and give them as gifts to dignitaries. The ancients also regarded the emerald as a symbol of rebirth and fertility, which is also reflective of the springtime energy of May.

“Emeralds conjure up an image of lush forests and earth goddesses,” says astrologer and spiritual coach Tenae Stewart, author of The Modern Witch’s Guide to Magickal Self-Care. “They can help us channel this grounded, earthy energy within ourselves as well.” When you wear or carry emeralds, they offer a reminder to tune into our physical bodies and focus on the here and now. According to Stewart, calling upon the grounding beauty of the emerald can be particularly helpful “if you’re feeling disconnected, out of your body, and too caught up in mundane realities that feel soul-sucking.”

In Vedic astrology, emeralds are commonly associated with Mercury, Gemini’s ruling planet, which governs communication, intelligence, and reasoning abilities. The gem is thought to help promote clear communication and enhance one’s ability to express themself. This makes it a useful stone for the chatty and quick-witted Gemini, the twins of the zodiac. The emerald can complement these Gemini personality traits while helping them combat overthinking and power through indecision. “This birthstone helps May Geminis ground their energy and calm their active mind,” says astrologist and spiritual teacher Jill Wintersteen, the founder of Spirit Daughter. “It can also help focus their thoughts, making them more impactful as they exchange them with others.”

According to astrologist Rachel Lang, author of Modern Day Magic, emeralds are also associated with planet Venus. “Taurus is Venus’s child, so it’s no surprise that they are sensual, tactile, and sensory-oriented beings,” astrologer Courtney O’Reilly of Vibrant Soul Astrology told Well+Good. Coupled with the fact that Taurus are fixed signs, they are steadfast and reliable, including when it comes to love and relationships. “Emeralds represent stable, heart-centered love and loyal commitments in a relationship,” says Lang, making it ideal for enhancing the characteristics inherent to Taurus.

According to Dr. Trattner, the vibrant green emerald also resonates with the heart chakra or Anahata, which governs all matters of the heart. Emeralds are believed to promote love, compassion, and forgiveness, qualities associated with a healthy heart chakra. Beyond love, “emeralds relate to success and staying the course to overcome challenges,” Lang says. “Even when you don’t have a lot of courage, the emerald can help you keep going strong.”

Alternatives to the May birthstone

May-born Geminis and Taurus can benefit from the energetic properties of other gemstones, too. In addition to emeralds, Geminis can also benefit from agate, chalcedony, and clear quartz. According to Wintersteen, “agate helps to ground their energy and nervous system,” while “chalcedony works to integrate their mind, body, and spirit.” What’s more, the blue-hued chalcedony is beneficial for communicating verbal wisdom—“something Gemini suns love to do,” says Wintersteen. Clear quartz, which is also known as a healing crystal, helps Geminis “shed negative vibrations like gossip” and “align with higher ones that transmit pure communication,” she says.

Taurus can also benefit greatly from opal, green onyx, and jade, each of which have their own energetic properties. Opal, particularly pink opal, can offer Taureans tranquility and peace, says Wintersteen. Much like emerald, green onyx can be a protective crystal, helping shield Taurus’ energy from negativity. “It also lifts them from their comfort zones into new beginnings,” she says. Finally, jade can also bring in energetic protection, as well as usher in all forms of abundance.

What are birthstones?

Birthstones are gemstones that represent a person’s birth month or zodiac sign. Their origins are believed to trace back to biblical times, and the first-century historian Flavius Josephus associated the 12 gemstones on Aaron’s breastplate in the Book of Exodus with the months of the year and the 12 zodiac signs. However, the custom of wearing an individual gem per month didn’t begin until around the 15th or 16th century in Germany or Poland. Birthstones are also found to have origins in Eastern Culture. The Ratna Pariksha, a fifth-century Hindu text, linked specific gems to deities, celestial bodies, and days of the week, while Vedic astrologers recommend certain gems to individuals based on their astrological birth chart.

In 1912, the American Council Association of Jewelers (which is currently known as the Jewelers of America) created a standardized list of birthstones in the United States. This list was updated by the Jewelry Industry Council of America and later by The American Gem Trade Association to include new types of birthstones for certain months of the year.

An overview of the birthstones for every month of the year

Want to pick a crystal that corresponds to your birth month? Here’s a quick overview of the birthstones for every month of the year:

• January Birthstone: Garnet
• February Birthstone: Amethyst
• March Birthstone: Aquamarine and Bloodstone
• April Birthstone: Diamond
• May Birthstone: Emerald
• June Birthstone: Pearl, Alexandrite, and Moonstone
• July Birthstone: Ruby
• August Birthstone: Peridot, Spinel, and Sardonyx
• September Birthstone: Sapphire
• October Birthstone: Opal and Tourmaline
• November Birthstone: Topaz and Citrine
• December Birthstone: Tanzanite, Turquoise, and Zircon

Frequently asked questions about the May birthstone

Does Taurus have two birthstones?

Taurus are associated with several birthstones. Taurus are typically linked with diamonds, the traditional April birthstone, diamonds, as well as emeralds, which is the birthstone for the month of May.

What are Gemini’s two birthstones?

Born in the period of May 21 and June 21, the twin signs canclaim emerald, the May birthstone, or pearl, alexandrite, or moonstone as their birthstones if born in June.

But what if you could prioritize your well-being with simple practices that fit into even the busiest schedule? According to certified functional nutritionist Kelly LeVeque, 10 minutes a day is all it takes to make some serious headway when it comes to supporting your health. “In my opinion, taking care of our well-being is the most important thing we can do for ourselves, so even amidst our busy schedules it should always be a priority,” she says.

Sound like a pipe dream? To turn this theory into practice, LeVeque is sharing four quick wellness tips, including guidance on how, exactly, to squeeze them into your daily routine—no matter how packed it is. And to make prioritizing your well-being even more attainable, she’s serving up each tip with a NOW® supplement formulated to support your specific wellness needs. Check out LeVeque’s 10-minute recommendations for feeling cared for and accomplished at the end of every (very busy) day.

1. Support your gut

Scroll through your social media feed for a minute or two and you’ll see that, these days, conversations about gut health are everywhere. But supporting your digestion isn’t just a passing trend—it’s essential to your overall mental and physical well-being, LeVeque says, which gives it some serious staying power.

To prioritize her own digestive health, LeVeque fortifies her gut-friendly Fab 4 smoothies—which you can create by combining any blend of protein, fat, fiber, and greens—with supplements. Choosing from a powerful lineup of NOW® powders, she adds a scoop of Organic Acacia Powder (which acts as a prebiotic to help maintain a healthy GI environment), Fiber-3 Powder (as a source of soluble and insoluble fiber), or Prebiotic Bifido Boost Powder (which helps support a healthy balance of gut microflora) to her daily drink.*

“Dedicating 10 minutes every morning to this habit will allow you to conveniently get 30 grams of protein, increase fiber intake, and stabilize blood sugar levels,” she says.

2. Get some sunlight

When your alarm goes off in the morning, do you pop right out of bed, or grab your phone off your nightstand and catch up on your social feeds? If you’re human and you usually opt for the second option, LeVeque suggests a different approach that can help boost your energy and combat early morning brain fog.

“Upon waking, rather than staying in bed and scrolling through your phone, step outside and aim to get at least two to 10 minutes of natural, direct sunlight to trigger the first dopamine release of the day and promote wakefulness,” she says. What better way to prioritize self care than with a dose of dopamine, first thing?

And there’s more: Sun exposure throughout the day is a simple way to fill up on vitamin D, which “has been linked with a lower risk of mood issues overall,” LeVeque says. “Getting out in nature is an easy way to increase endorphin levels and dopamine production.” To fill in the gaps on days you’re not able to get outside, she recommends supplementing with NOW® Vitamin D,* which offers 313 percent of your daily value per serving.

3. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate

You know drinking water is important—but did you know that properly hydrating is about more than simply hitting your daily number of ounces? “Many people drink plenty of water but don’t replenish electrolytes, leaving them at risk for electrolyte imbalance or deficiency and symptoms like headaches, cramps, fatigue, and weakness,” LeVeque says.

According to LeVeque, supplementing with a high-quality electrolyte mix is key—which is why she reaches for NOW® Sports Effer-Hydrate tablets, formulated to help with rehydration and recovery.* “The tablets contain sodium, calcium, potassium, chloride, phosphate, and magnesium for a complete electrolyte profile, and come in a variety of flavors that are the perfect addition to your water as a pre- or post-workout drink,” she says. Fruity sips that can help reduce your chance of fatigue throughout your daily grind?* That’s definitely self care.

4. Try “exercise snacking”

No, LeVeque’s not suggesting you hit the elliptical with a bag of trail mix (but don’t let us stop you, if that sounds appealing). She defines an “exercise snack” as any short burst of vigorous activity that raises your heart rate, like climbing the stairs or going for a quick walk. “Incorporate exercise snacks into your routine to interrupt prolonged periods of sitting as a way to boost your mood, increase energy levels, and support stable blood sugar levels,” she says.

To get the most out of these mini movement sessions, LeVeque recommends supplementing with NOW® Sports Creatine Monohydrate.* “Creatine is a substance found naturally in muscle cells,” LeVeque says, that’s been “shown to improve strength, increase lean muscle mass, help muscles recover faster, and promote optimal performance during short bouts of high-intensity activities.”*

So grab some creatine (or another pick from your supplement lineup), set your timer to 10 minutes, and prioritize your self care with these quick wellness tips—because you deserve at least 10 minutes for you, even on the busiest days.

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*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

What is a one card tarot reading?

If you’ve never done a single tarot card pull, it involves intuitively selecting one card to inform a question or situation. This tarot 101 technique simply requires a bit of self-reflection (especially if you’re pulling for yourself), and a little bit of research if you’re still brushing up on your tarot card meanings. And according to Maria Sofia Marmanides, astrologer and author of The Oracle Card Journal: A Personalized Record of Your Messages from the Universe, you can use a one card tarot pull for more than yes/no questions, and you don’t have to use a full spread all the time. “It’s a spread like any other in Tarot, but it’s the simplest spread possible—just one card to answer your question,” she says.

“One card pulls can provide as much clarity, while also helping you sharpen intuitive reading skills.” —Maria Sofia Marmanides, tarot reader

“One card pulls can provide as much clarity, while also helping you sharpen intuitive reading skills, Marmanides says. “Think of the one card as describing the entirety of the situation—past, present, and future—to remind us that the solution is often found in the problem. Whatever card you pull, it’s about empowering you to use that energy to move forward or leave it behind with clarity.”

In addition to making folks feel empowered, what are other benefits of doing a one card tarot pull?

Benefits of a one card tarot pull for a reading

1. They’re quick

“One card readings are one of the quickest and most satisfying ways to build a relationship with your deck, especially if you’re just beginning to study tarot,” Marmanides says. She adds that the quickness with which you can do this might lead you to doing more one card tarot pulls—which will, in turn, help you build and more fully trust your intuition as it relates to the messages from the deck.

2. They’re easier to interpret

According to Marmanides, soul searching for answers through tarot can get more complicated when you add more and more cards. When you only have one card, you don’t have to worry about synthesizing the messages they’re all trying to give you. “The one card method is a fairly disciplined practice in that by only drawing one card, you are building your trust with the Universe that the answer you need in that moment is the one you will receive,” Marmanides says.

3. You can focus on the energy of the card

When you do a tarot spread with multiple cards, you might miss a message from the primary card because, again, you’ll spend energy synthesizing what you got instead of fully embracing the message of a single card. For instance, if you pull the Justice card in a multiple card spread, it’s possible you’ll miss its message of balance and fairness with self and others if you’re too focused on the other card you pulled and how that fits with the rest of the cards in the reading. It also gives you the opportunity to “grow more comfortable” with the misunderstood cards, Marmanides says, like the Death tarot card (which, for the record, doesn’t signal you or someone you love is going to die).

And just a reminder: don’t forget to cleanse tarot cards after each use, so they’re ready to go for your next reading.

All that being said, how do you master the one card pull effectively? Below, Marmanides shares three easy steps for getting the clearest answers when doing a one card tarot pull.

The right way to pull one tarot card, in three easy steps

1. Lay some simple ground rules with yourself

Before you pull your single tarot card, lay some ground rules for yourself. “Think about what your intuition is telling you about the answer before you even pull your card,” Marmanides says.

While we’re supposed to look at the tarot guides for wisdom or guidance, we also want to follow our gut. “Ultimately the One Card method is about growing your relationship with the card meanings and building your trust with the deck [and trusting] that it will answer your question in due time,” she says.

So whether you’re doing a tarot card spread or simply tarot pulling, you want to make like the High Priestess and think inward; focus on the ways you want to be led, how you feel about a particular situation already, and pour that energy into your reading.

2. Ask a very clear, specific, and heartfelt question

“Then see what you’re being invited to understand about the situation that you may not be consciously aware of,” Marmanides says.

There are a few important things to highlight here. First, you want to make sure that you’re asking a question that you want an objective answer to, not confirmation of the answer you want to receive. Second, you want to avoid grabbing another, “what do you mean?” clarification card (if you’re going to trust the deck, trust the deck). Lastly, Marmanides says, it’s crucial to make sure that you’re focusing the questions on yourself.

“Of course, you can ask for advice on people in your life, like a boss, a friend, a crush, a lover, or a family member,” she says, offering this caveat: Keep the questions related to your relationship with that person instead of asking about them personally.

A one card spread, Marmanides says, is best used when you have a very simple, straightforward question that you want a clear-cut answer to. Here are her examples:

1. Will I get this job?
2. How does my boss/friend/lover feel about me?
3. Is this person I just met going to be a serious relationship for me?
4. What do I need to know about [insert situation]?
5. What am I being invited to focus on today?

3. Meditate on the card you pulled

After you shuffle your tarot cards and pull a single tarot card, consider “the artwork, the symbolism, the traditional meaning, and also any personal meanings that come up for you,” Marmanides says. “What I think is best is to then write down the card and those keywords somewhere—your notes app, a tarot journal, a sticky note—to refer back to and see how the answer will manifest in your life.”

When you’re working with a single tarot card, you have the ability to really delve into what its message could be. And, again, grant yourself the kindness to be honest about the tarot card meanings.

“Particularly if you’re pulling this card for yourself, it’s about treating yourself like you would a client,” Marmanides says. “Don’t shortchange yourself from fully exploring and explaining the situation to yourself, using that card as the framework for your advice, as if you were telling it to someone else.”

And while it may be tempting, don’t pull another card if you don’t like or understand the one you drew. Certain tarot card meanings may give you pause or discomfort, but instead of pulling a new card you should reflect on its true meaning.”No one wants to pull The Seven of Swords for ‘Can I trust my partner?’ as that could indicate a betrayal or someone who is not being honest with you, but it is telling you something about how you feel about the situation,” she says. Sit with the symbolism and tarot card meanings. Trust the cards and the process, and don’t take short cuts by pulling more cards until your next one card tarot pull.

How many cards should you use in a tarot reading? Sometimes one isn’t enough.

Sometimes, people are faced with problems that seem a little too complex for just a one card tarot pull—regardless of whether they’re tarot experts or tarot newbies. For instance, let’s say you asked “What will happen with X?” in a one card tarot pull.

“Once you have your answer, you may want to know ‘why,’ ‘when’ or ‘how,’” Marmanides says. “Subsequent cards can help shed more detail to the base card’s answer.” Those subsequent cards, essentially, are what make up multiple card spreads. There are different types of spreads, of course—including the Celtic Cross spread—but we’ll be focusing on two, three, and four card tarot spreads in this section.

Two card spreads

“I like to use two cards spreads for this-or-that situations, where you’re faced with a choice,” Marmanides says. “Based on the card in either position A or B, you weigh how each card intuitively makes you feel.”

As far as questions for two card tarot spreads, Marmanides suggests:

1. Should I quit or stay at my current job?
2. Should I move or stay in my current home?
3. Should I travel to X this summer?

Marmanides adds that two card spreads are also helpful when you have a situation (which card A represents) for which you’d like advice (card B tells you “how to meet that challenge,” Marmanides says).

Three card spreads

A three card spread is commonly done when you want to know about your past, present, and future. This type of spread “is really wonderful because it confirms the situation, validates present circumstances and emotions, and then offers a glimpse into how the energy is shifting in the near future,” Marmanides says. To be sure, card A represents the past, card B the present, and card C the future.

Four card spreads

Similar to how the two card spread can give you advice for moving forward, so, too, can the four card spread. “Adding a fourth card to this three card spread is great, too, to show if the tarot has any insight on what advice you should follow,” Marmanides says. She adds that depending on the card pulled, you can take action or be more passive. For example, if you draw a wands card, you’ll know to actively move forward because wands represent manifestation and the element of fire.

FAQs

How often should you do a one card tarot pull compared to a spread with more cards?

The good news is that you can do a one card tarot pull as often as you’d like. Marmanides suggests pulling a single tarot card at least once a week. Here’s a short and fun process you could try each week after you pick a tarot card: Start with a simple a question, for example ‘What am I being invited to focus on this week?’ and then journal about your initial reactions. At the end of the week, Marmanides says to reflect on how the card you pulled resonated.

Are there any tarot card meanings that are particularly impactful if you get them during a one card tarot pull?

Certain cards may hold important meanings for different people, for example someone’s birth card. In the case of pulling a single tarot card, any Major Arcana cards you draw is worth paying attention to. Drawing these cards are an indication that events aren’t set in stone and continue to unfold. “That usually means the situation is potent and has a very important message for you, so spend time researching that card and understand its astrological or numerological symbolism,” Marmanides says.

Is a one card tarot pull the same as a one card a day reading?

Not exactly. Pulling a single tarot card each day is typically done as part of a grounding or meditation practice, Marmanides says, whereas doing a one tarot card pull is about being focusing intensely on a question and answering it with a single card.

How many tarot cards does a person have?

According to Marmanides, there is no set number of cards or decks a person should own. You can have decks that serve different purposes; for example, you might use one specific deck for love readings, and another for one card tarot pulls. The key is to find a deck you love and to use it so it also becomes a deck you trust. To get started, you might seek out decks where you appreciate the artwork and visuals.

“If someone is obsessed with their body or someone’s obsessed with the food part of their life, it’s because the other two cornerstones aren’t being nourished—the emotional wellbeing/mental health or the spiritual growth,” Snyder shared on the latest episode of Well+Good’s beauty podcast, Routine Rundown, hosted by Well+Good senior beauty editor Zoë Weiner. “If we wanna have great skin, if we wanna have a glow to us, if we wanna have a kindness, a softness, a magnetism—all of this is really beautiful—you build it from the inner energy.”

While Snyder’s beauty routine does include products like vitamin C serums and exfoliants, it also gives her time to focus on her emotional and spiritual well-being. Learn about three of the ways she does this below, and get all of her tips by listening to the full episode on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen here:

1. Establish solid routines

Snyder approaches wellness with four cornerstones in mind: food, body, emotional well-being, and spiritual growth. “When I do my morning and my evening routine, it always includes the cornerstones,” says Snyder. “There’s meditation first thing, which is spiritual, and then there’s some journaling, which is the emotional. And then for food, I’m taking in hot water with lemon first thing, which the vitamin C and the enzymes are great for your liver, great for detoxification, great for your skin. And then the Glowing Green Smoothie when I start to feel hungry…and from a skincare perspective, I keep it simple. Cleanser, vitamin C serum, moisturizer. I don’t use a ton of products, but the ones I use are potent.”

2. Take your time and be present during your routines

It’s so easy to rush through your routines, especially when you’re low on time. But Snyder encourages mindful touch as a way to stay grounded and present during our beauty routines. “It’s really important that yes, we honor the bodily temple, we honor the times that we are coming into it. And so a big part of that is touch,” she says. “And in the Ayurvedic system, they say that the most powerful anti-aging practice, if you wanna say that, is self-massage because it soothes your nervous system…So when we’re doing these practices it’s not just rushing through another to-do list. And if you find yourself hurried…you just take a couple of deep breaths and you come back to this moment and you just wanna really treat it as sacred time.”

3. Be kind to yourself—always

“True beauty is letting your uniqueness come forward and being really comfortable with yourself,” says Snyder. When “you’re not beating yourself up every day, you’re not trying to be like someone else, you’re not living in your mind of anxiety and jealousy and envy and comparison all the time. You get to this real anchor, this place where you feel great and it’s very magnetic, right?”

She says we achieve this by dialing into emotional and spiritual well-being.

“A lot of people struggle, with emotional well-being, which we could say is mental health, right? When there are circular thought patterns, we find ourselves feeling like we’re not enough, we’re over-emphasizing the looks again because we don’t feel good on the insides. We’re trying to constantly change the outside,” she says. “We can work on the outside too, but the ironic thing is when we work on this comfortability—you glow, there is literally more light in your system.”

What is an anxiety-related thought trap?

A thought trap that triggers or worsens anxiety is one kind of cognitive distortion, “an exaggerated or irrational thought that has the power to negatively distort how we see reality,” clinical neuropsychology PhD resident Nawal Mustafa previously told Well+Good. In particular, an anxiety-related thought trap, or anxiety trap, will distort your reality in a way that makes you feel more anxious about the future, even to the point of keeping you from taking action or moving forward with your life.

Indeed, according to clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD, author of Joy from Fear, these negative thinking patterns have “incredible power to affect us physically, mentally, and emotionally.” For starters, the activation of your fight-or-flight nervous system triggered by anxiety can leave you sweating, nauseated, feeling jittery, or short of breath with a racing heart. And on the mental-emotional side of things, maintaining even a baseline level of anxiety can lead to self-doubt and low self-esteem.

How anxiety traps can become especially ingrained in our thinking

Because feelings of anxiety can often get intertwined with healthy striving and wanting to be the best version of yourself, it can be easy to gloss over them—particularly in the workplace where you’re being counted on to succeed, says Morra Aarons-Mele, author of The Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears into Your Leadership Superpower and host of The Anxious Achiever podcast. This is especially poignant for the people with high-functioning anxiety who may feel like if they don’t feel anxious, nervous, or agitated at work, they’re somehow letting themselves off the hook or at risk of becoming a slacker.

“[Anxiety thought traps] can become so habitual that we don’t consider their harm.” —Morra Aarons-Mele, author of The Anxious Achiever

“When you’re an anxious achiever, you can sort of forget how to operate without anxiety, especially because in our very productivity-driven world, you often get rewarded for operating with anxiety if you’re getting your work done,” says Aarons-Mele. In turn, the thought traps that fuel anxiety can become a part of your regular thinking—something you just learn to push through, rather than investigate and dismantle. “These thoughts become so habitual that we don’t consider their harm,” she says.

But, as noted above, harboring anxious thoughts is detrimental to both body and mind. Not to mention, operating with constant anxiety at work can fuel fatigue and burnout; trigger crippling perfectionism and imposter syndrome; and reinforce the damaging idea that your worth is based on what you can achieve.

In turn, it’s important to both identify and disrupt anxiety thought traps whenever they creep up. Below, find five of the most common anxiety traps to watch out for, plus advice for how to escape them.

5 thought traps that fuel anxiety, and how to combat them

1. Catastrophizing

This anxiety trap is characterized by always assuming that any situation will result in the worst-case scenario, even if you have little or no evidence to think so. To make matters, well, worse, it’s also possible that believing the worst will happen becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading to self-sabotage and other behaviors that fuel a negative outcome, says Dr. Manly.

The fix: A powerful tool to stop catastrophizing in its tracks is to simply call it out and redirect your brain to a more productive path by considering the other possible outcomes. That is, if you find yourself thinking the worst, instead push yourself to envision what would be the best or even a neutral outcome of the situation. You don’t necessarily have to believe that these positive or neutral things will happen; simply considering them can help pull you out of the anxiety spiral, says Dr. Manly.

Factual information can be a powerful tool, too. It’s harder to believe in a theoretical worst-case outcome if you’re looking at facts that prove something different may be true. For example, if you’re catastrophizing about your financial situation, Aarons-Mele says getting some concrete numbers together and seeking advice from a financial expert can help put your worries into more realistic perspective.

2. All-or-nothing thinking

When you’re caught in this anxiety trap, there isn’t any nuance. Everything is the worst or the best; you’re either blessed or doomed. But in reality, life isn’t so cut and dried—and falling into the all-or-nothing trap can prevent you from seeing all of the interesting variations and subtleties of things, says Aarons-Mele. Plus, believing that things are either great or terrible can lead you to think that if you don’t do something perfectly, it’s not worth trying at all. Cue: damaging perfectionistic behaviors.

The fix: This thought trap springs, in part, from a tendency toward judgement—both of yourself and of others. So, Dr. Manly advises trying to consider at least one or two alternative perspectives from your own whenever the all-or-nothing tendency rears its head. Keeping an open mind to other perspectives can help you realize that there’s a lot of distance and opportunity between the worst and best outcomes, which can be a useful tool for neutralizing such extreme thinking.

3. Labeling

This anxiety trap is marked by calling yourself extreme negative names like lazy, undeserving, or incompetent—especially in scenarios where self-criticism is entirely unwarranted. (Consider receiving a constructive comment on a work project, and instantly assuming that this makes you a terrible employee.)

In addition to fueling anxiety, such negative self-talk can spark a spiral of negativity, potentially triggering depressive thoughts and lowering your self-esteem. “When we listen to the inner critic—the voice that wants to tell us we are unworthy or unlovable—we punish ourselves in the unkindest of ways,” says Dr. Manly.

The fix: When you catch yourself calling yourself an unkind name, pause for a few deep breaths to acknowledge the label, and then redirect to a more positive one. This is a technique called thought-stopping that can help you remember that you’re not your worst moments and that it’s important to give yourself grace. In other moments, it’s also helpful to actively practice positive self-talk as a means to bolster your self-esteem against more critical scenarios.

4. Ruminating and overthinking

Aarons-Mele calls this anxiety trap “an anxious person’s best friend” for how commonly it surfaces. Also known as “stewing,” ruminating or overthinking is all about revisiting the same situations over and over again in your mind and marinating on them. Because carefully thinking things through before acting is often something that high-achievers do, it can be difficult for these folks, in particular, to identify when this helpful thinking takes a turn into rumination territory, says Aarons-Mele.

Often, overthinking also involves thinking about something negative that happened in the past and that you can’t change, which just makes the process even more futile and steers you away from resolution. “When we use our energy to engage in unhelpful repetitive thoughts, we are robbing ourselves of the ability to put our thoughts toward positive directions,” says Dr. Manly.

The fix: To stop yourself from overthinking, start by grounding yourself using your five senses (try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to home in on things you can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell) or embrace a distraction that’ll pull you out of the thinking spiral, like listening to a favorite song or zoning out to a comforting TV show, says Dr. Manly.

From there, practice psychological distancing by considering the situation you were (over)thinking about from a third-party perspective, like that of a friend, or by scheduling time to consider it tomorrow or on another day. You can also try purposefully shifting your thoughts to something else “in a direction that feels right to you,” says Dr. Manly.

5. Discounting the positive

You’ve fallen into this thought trap when you find ways to make the positive experiences in your life not really “count,” either by rejecting them outright or convincing yourself that any success or achievement happened purely by chance.

The fix: The best way to fight this negative thinking loop is to actively savor any positive moment—however small it may be—whenever it arrives, says Dr. Manly. Instead of writing off your own role in this good thing happening, also take the time to consider how your actions and skills made this positive event or feeling possible, she adds.

It’s also helpful to keep a physical file of positive moments or wins, including compliments or praise from others and personal moments of strength that you record. Being able to reference your capabilities at any point can help you build confidence and reduce the tendency to write off successes.

While each Blue Zone is unique in how exactly they go about their health-promoting daily doings, they share several key commonalities—including not (but limited to) sticking to a plant-forward diet, prioritizing regular movement, and maintaining strong connections to friends, family, and their community at large. Another underlying factor that links the Blue Zones together is their habitual expression of gratitude, whether before eating meals or on an otherwise consistent basis.

According to Blue Zones expert Dan Buettner, gratitude always comes into play in the world’s longevity hot spots. “Research shows that people are happier if they are grateful for the positive things in their lives, rather than worrying about what might be missing,” he shares in his book Thrive: Finding Happiness the Blue Zones Way.

Keep reading to see how gratitude is linked to happier days that can culminate into a long life well-lived. Plus: simple yet productive ways to reap (and share) the benefits of gratitude on the daily.

The longevity-boosting benefits of gratitude are bountiful

According to a 2019 study published in Frontiers in Psychology, gratitude and life satisfaction have a reciprocal relationship: “Higher levels of gratitude increase life satisfaction, which in turn increases gratitude, leading to a positive spiral.” Moreover, both elements are associated with everything from better health outcomes to stronger bonds and prosocial behavior—which themselves all circle back to longevity.

According to Brigitte Zeitlin, RD, founder of BZ Nutrition, gratitude releases oxytocin (aka the “love hormone”), which permits us to feel better and become healthier. “Gratitude and the oxytocin from it helps to reduce stress and anxiety, improve mood and sleep patterns, and even boost immunity,” she shares. Simply put, it feels good to feel good.

“Gratitude and the oxytocin from it helps to reduce stress and anxiety, improve mood and sleep patterns, and even boost immunity.”—Brigitte Zeitlin, RD

One of the best ways to incorporate more gratitude into your daily life, à la the Blue Zones, is to practice mindful eating. “Practicing gratitude with mindful, inclusive eating habits creates a healthier relationship with food. That feel-good oxytocin response becomes associated with these specific mindful eating habits,” Zeitlin continues. “The better you feel about your food choices and eating habits, the more likely you are to maintain them, and the more confident you become in how you take care of yourself.” Similarly, the dietitian says that a healthy relationship with food can facilitate a stronger self-image and more respect for your body.

“The better you feel about your food choices and eating habits, the more likely you are to maintain them, and the more confident you become in how you take care of yourself.”

Yet the benefits of gratitude (and the oxytocin boost from it) aren’t limited to yourself only. “We want to show ourselves gratitude, but we want to spread that gratitude around,” Zeitlin says. “Showing someone else gratitude releases oxytocin for them, so the health benefits are communal.”

Per a 2014 study, “gratitude and its expression provides behavioral and psychological ‘glue’ to bind individuals closer together,” courtesy of oxytocin. Additional research supports the notion that communicating gratitude to others can promote stronger social bonds, which in turn supports physical and mental health while promoting longevity.

“This is why the Blue Zone communities thrive so much: They are spreading gratitude and feel-good hormones around,” Zeitlin explains.

4 tips to start your own gratitude practice

Clearly, the wide-ranging benefits of practicing gratitude are too good to pass up. To reap them for yourself, follow these simple tips.

1. Start small

Zeitlin notes that people may get tripped up by thinking they need to focus on big-picture items. However, she clarifies that being thankful for the little things can also lead to wellness wins, sharing the analogy of a football game. “Those players are grateful for every single 10 yards they gain, and not only when they make a touchdown. They know that the touchdowns don’t come without the 10 yards in between them and their goal,” she explains.

With that in mind, Zeitlin advises that we all “get grateful for the mini-moments and acknowledge the micro-wins.”

2. Aim for three things you’re grateful for each day

To lead a long and happy life, Zeitlin advises recognizing at least three things you’re grateful for on a daily basis. Being conscious of what you’re grateful for—and clearly delineating them on paper or out loud, even if you’re on your own—is a crucial step.

Need inspo to lead the way? “If you’re new to practicing gratitude, I suggest using a journal with prompts—such as the Five-Minute Journal—which guides you with baby steps,” Zeitlin shares.

3. Integrate gratitude seamlessly into your routine

To make your gratitude practice habitual, find ways to naturally incorporate it into your regimen. For instance, you can take cues from the Blue Zones by looking at your plate and honing in on food-focused specifics you’re thankful for before noshing. Perhaps it’s an appreciation for the labor and care it took for the food to make it to your plate, enjoying the colors and smells of the meal you’ve prepared, or getting excited for the nourishment and delicious flavors your food will provide. “Once you are in a groove with a gratitude practice, like flossing your teeth, it just becomes part of your day,” says Zeitlin.

4. Speak up

Again, it pays to communicate gratitude towards others to make all parties feel good. “Thank the barista for your morning latte. Thank your friend for tagging you in that funny Instagram post,” Zeitlin advises. You truly have nothing to lose—and rather so much to gain—by sharing kind and gracious vibes to any and all people you cross paths with.

Allow me to introduce myself. I’m a writer and a reader, a rom-com-drama watcher and a sunbather. I find competition difficult to enjoy because I feel sad that one person or team has to lose. I founded my high school recycling club and my college sustainable fashion collective, I give monthly to the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), and I have only ever lived in California or New York. I grew up next to a golf course, but never set foot on it until I was a full-fledged adult. So, yeah, sports and rain and country clubs and, well, golf were just never my thing for most of my life.

So when I chose to travel from Los Angeles to attend the Masters golf tournament with my husband this April, I was reminded of something my sister asked when I was enthusiastically zipping up my vest (vest!) one of the few times I’ve gone golfing: “Who even are you?”

Hobbies and interests are something that individuals in a couple might share or do separately. Shared hobbies may be a way to spend time together, while solo hobbies can be a vehicle for some much-needed solitude. I, for one, aim to understand and participate in some of my partner’s hobbies to get to know him better and spend time with him. To me, that’s an act of love that comes with the upside of sometimes having some really fun days.

But while you’re enjoying those days at the golf course—or the soccer pitch, the rock concert, pottery studio, scuba-diving lesson, or crochet club—how do you know whether in the act of embracing your partner’s hobbies, you might actually be losing yourself?

How I came to tolerate, nay, enjoy golf

It all began on my couch five years earlier, to the exact weekend in Brooklyn, New York. My then-boyfriend, now-husband Ryan was watching the Masters in our small Williamsburg apartment. “It’s peak golf!” he said, while I grumbled about the constant sound of subdued sports that I was unable to escape because of said small apartment. Then I spotted someone: a ruddy-faced, polo shirt-wearing golfer with an uncanny resemblance to a 1980s high school movie villain. “Who’s that?” I asked. It was Patrick Reed, the frontrunner for the tournament. Soon, I found myself on the couch, yelling at the screen for Reed to miss, dammit! I wondered how all the other players were letting this total Steff McKee run away with this?

When Reed ended up winning the 2018 Masters and donning “the green jacket”—perhaps the most iconic perk of coming in first place at the tournament, which also includes snagging millions of dollars—I think I might have thrown something.

Throughout the next half-decade, my stance on golf changed. I started to learn the names of the golfers. I call my favorites—Jordan Spieth, Collin Morikawa, and Viktor Hovland—my “boyfriends.” I still won’t, you know, actively put a golf tournament on TV myself. But if Ryan has one playing, I’ll contentedly watch it, comment, and root for my boyfriends. That golf course at the end of my family’s street? Yeah, I started attending the annual tournament there, and found watching golf in person to be genuinely enjoyable, what with the walking around outside, cheering with the crowds, seeing famous golfer butts (golfers have good butts, you heard it here), and plopping down on the grass with a refreshing beverage.

During the pandemic, I even started playing golf a bit, since it was a safe outdoor way to see our friends. Now, the restaurant/bar at our local nine-hole course is one of my favorite places to hang out. You won’t catch me on a full 18-hole course, though. That’s still just Ryan’s thing.

Undeniably, golf has become a part of not just Ryan’s life, but our life as a couple, too. So much so that when I got the opportunity to attend the Masters tournament at the Augusta National Golf Club thanks to an experience provided by tournament sponsor Mercedes-Benz, RSVP-ing yes wasn’t even a question. The Masters is the most important golf tournament in the world, and it is such an exclusive sporting event for spectators that you can’t just buy tickets for it—to even have the privilege to buy a ticket, you have to enter a lottery that many people go their whole lives entering every year and never winning.

I knew Ryan wanted to go, and I deeply wanted to grant him that opportunity. Making him that happy would make me happy. But I wanted to go, too.

So there I was, sitting in the rain in Georgia, glad that my boyfriend Collin Morikawa birdied the fourth hole, but bemoaning with Ryan and some chatty poncho-wearing ladies behind us that he really didn’t have a chance. That it looked like Brooks Koepka was going to run away with it.

Had I gone too far in taking on my husband’s hobby as my own? Am I actually really enjoying this? Am I still me?

Had I gone too far in taking on my husband’s hobby as my own? I’d flown across the country and road-tripped from Atlanta to Augusta in the new Mercedes-Benz luxury EQS SUV on just four hours of sleep (luckily, the seats have massage settings and driver assist cruise control to keep you comfortable safe even when you’re sleepy). I’d given up the distraction of my iPhone since there is a policy of absolutely no cell phones on tournament grounds. I’m dropping hundreds of dollars on merch, I am braving a torrential rain storm, and I am walking 20,000 steps a day, all in the name of golf. Am I actually really enjoying this? Am I still me?

The value of a hobby—particularly common hobbies with your partner

“Hobbies are really important to developing our sense of self, our sense of agency, to knowing that we can learn new skills, and learning that we can practice something and be consistent,” says couples therapist Sara Stanizai, LMFT. “There are so many benefits to having hobbies that people forget to mention.”

Your hobbies and interests are a part of who you are and can also play into the way you spend your time. That means they’re part of what you bring to your relationship and the life you build as a couple. Bringing a sense of curiosity to the way your partner wants to spend their time is important, because it’s a way to truly know and see them. “Having a conversation about the purpose, the function, what the hobby means to each person, can help develop empathy,” Stanizai says. “You might be surprised by what you learn.”

There are a couple of things that can happen when you choose to actually participate in a partner’s hobby: The first is that maybe you really are just doing this for your person as a way to spend time with and bond with them, and not for the activity itself. That can be a healthy part of the give-and-take of a relationship.

“Showing up for your partner, doing the things we don’t want to do just because we care about this person, is a sign of flexibility and the ability to compromise.” —Sara Stanizai, LMFT

“We definitely want to make sure that when we’re doing [a partner’s hobby], we’re doing it with the intention of like, okay, this is important for my partner,” Games says. “I want to support them, I want to be encouraging of them, and I want to bond with them.” Furthermore, says Stanizai, “showing up for your partner, doing the things we don’t want to do just because we care about this person, is a sign of flexibility and the ability to compromise.”

While taking an interest in your partner’s hobbies is reflective of give-and-take in a relationship, Stanizai points out doing so is not akin to quid pro quo or the presumption that there will be reciprocation. “In relationships, when you start doing something and are expecting something in return, it sets you up for failure and disappointment,” she says. However, if you communicate to your person that you are doing something to be with them, to understand them, and to make them happy, it’s reasonable to ask (with “ask” being the operative word here) that they do the same for you, further enriching your bond.

How to ensure you don’t lose yourself in your partner’s hobbies

Games thinks of a relationship like a Venn diagram: your circle, your partner’s circle, and the overlapping relationship oval. Ryan playing 18 holes once or twice a week is in his circle, as is skiing and waterskiing (which I have tried and resolutely not clicked with, as my sore butt and pulled hamstrings can attest). But going to tournaments, hanging out at our local nine-hole course, and sometimes watching golf on TV is in the center. So is going to the beach and to concerts, hiking, traveling, doing yoga, and making up nicknames for our dog. On my side: going to opera with my sister, running, nightly journaling and writing, and watching Gilmore Girls for the umpteenth time. I wouldn’t be opposed to playing nine holes with a girlfriend, even without Ryan, but it hasn’t happened yet. I guess golf hasn’t quite made it to just my side of the circle.

But in general, having a full center of the Venn diagram, as well as robust separate sides, is the key to both investing in each other, and maintaining individuality.

“Really be intentional about nourishing your circle,” says couples therapist Genesis Games, LMHC. “As much as we want to bridge our lives together, and that is absolutely healthy…we still want to hold on to our side of the circle. Even if some things in that circle become irrelevant or obsolete as we change, there should still be some other things on our side of the circle. Our side of the circle should not be empty.”

Stanizai notes that it’s easier to achieve this balance when you come to a relationship with a strong sense of self in the first place. And while she doesn’t think the balance of activities has to be 50/50 “as long as both people are getting their needs met,” if you find your circle a little bit anemic, that’s the time to examine whether you are staying true to yourself.

Part of that sense of self is not just what you do, but what you believe. For me, that meant being at this specific tournament made sharing in this hobby with my husband tricky. Country clubs are exclusionary by nature, and until relatively recently at Augusta National and many other clubs, that has meant mostly only white men have been granted membership thanks to “unspoken” policies and “silent pressure,” according to Golf Digest.

Augusta admitted its first Black member in 1990, and its first female members in 2012 . Previously, women were allowed to accompany men, but not become members themselves. Not to mention, the name of the tournament itself doesn’t quite sit well: Despite the fact that “Masters” may refer to “mastery” over the sport of golf, it’s hard to disconnect the word from its association with slavery and racism. I also have trouble making sense of the not-so-eco-friendly maintenance of the fairways and greens, and the fact that golf requires expensive equipment and course fees, rendering it financially inaccessible to many.

Taking on new hobbies you share with your partner to any magnitude of enjoyment may indeed reflect a change in you—but is that okay?

So even as I was taking in the splendor of it all while at the tournament, I felt uncomfortable fully buying in. But, according to Stanizai, it is not a prerequisite to agree with every aspect of something in order to participate. Even so, when some of the values associated with an activity are out of whack with your own, it can be an opportunity to pause and reflect about your identity. Herein lies the crux of the matter: Taking on new hobbies you share with your partner to any magnitude of enjoyment may indeed reflect a change in you—but is that okay?

The value in being open to personal growth and change

As I cheered for golfers making impossible putts and watched the scores roll in on analog scoreboards, I wondered how much I earnestly cared about it all and how much was performative, in support of Ryan’s hobby? We’d spent the final tournament day watching 37 holes of golf over 12 hours in the crisp and gorgeous sunshine. Clinking champagne flutes at the end of the day with the president of Mercedes-Benz back at the sponsor’s luxurious hospitality cabin to celebrate the ultimate victory of Mercedes-Benz sponsored player Jon Rahm made us feel like we were actually part of the winning team, and I certainly did not feel that sadness for the losing runner up I usually experience while watching sports. I was clearly teetering toward being more earnestly invested in golf. Is that a form of self-erasure for having previously not cared at all? Or is this just a somewhat unexpected and maybe even fun part of who I am now?

The people we surround ourselves with are constantly having an impact on our interests, personalities, and values.

Both Games and Stanizai say that the people we surround ourselves with are constantly having an impact on our interests, personalities, and values. My husband and I overlap on a lot of those points, and on the things that we want out of life, but we are also different people and we diverge on some of those things, too. Our differences, in fact, are one of the reasons that our relationship contains growth.

If your partner is one of the biggest relationships in your life, it makes sense that they would have an impact on you. You can still be you even if you’re not living your life in 100 percent the same way you were before your partner came into the picture. “Parts of us evolve with different people in our lives,” Stanizai says.

As another guest of Mercedes-Benz and I picked our way through the mud and shielded ourselves from the rain with giant umbrellas, she mused “oh, the things we do for love.” She was also attending in part because it was a dream of her partner’s.

We laughed and I thought, Yes. The things we do for love. But also, the things love does to, and for, us.

With regard to shared hobbies—or even dipping your toe into kind-of, sort-of enjoying a hobby that is squarely your partner’s—there’s value in embracing the personal shift as an opportunity to open your mind and deepen your relationship’s bond. “It’s a part of joining life together and building a life together,” Games. “It can be nice that you get to talk, and you get to bond, and you get to see this other side of your partner and how passionate they get.”

After officials called an end to Saturday’s tournament early because of rain, Ryan had to dash out of the Mercedes-Benz clubhouse and back to the 12th hole where we had placed our chairs (at the Masters, you can put small golf chairs down on the sidelines any time anywhere with the expectation that you will come back to them later, and they will still be there. Because, like, “courtesy and decorum”). Our chairs were at an area called “Amen Corner” because the idyllic view contains a grass covered bridge over a serene lake and verdant old trees over which the sun sets. Though it was raining so hard that golfers could no longer continue playing, Ryan shared later that when he got to the mostly deserted Amen Corner, he just sat there, alone in the rain, letting the view and the moment wash over him. When I picture him there, taking that moment for himself, my heart swells.

Yep, vacation scents can really do that, here’s how: “When we come into contact with an odor, the olfactory receptor cells in your nose send a signal to a part of your brain called the olfactory bulb, which is responsible for interpreting those signals as smells,” explains Carlos Huber, fragrance developer and founder of Arquiste. Huber says your olfactory bulb has a direct line to the parts of your brain that process emotion and memory, which explains why we learn to associate certain smells with specific memories—and why the connection can be so strong and transportive.

When we smell something new for the first time, our olfactory bulb will register that connection in order to identify it in the future, according to Huber. “That’s why a lot of smells take us back to vacation, especially childhood vacations where we were taken out of everyday routine and everything was new,” he explains. “I also think that when we’re in leisurely situations, where you’re truly present and taking in the setting, our brain has more time to process and strengthen these connections between odor and experience.”

Just like the destinations they evoke, vacation scents can run the gamut. Finding one that’s right for you will depend on your idea of a dream getaway—whether it’s skiing in the alps or hanging by the pool. Read on for the vacay inspired scents that smell as good as setting your OOO feels.

7 vacation scents worth trying

Vacation, Vacation Eau De Toilette — $60.00

Smells like: a beach/pool-side hang

With sunscreen-y coconut and banana notes, and essences of pool water and sea salt, Vacation’s signature scent is truly summer in a bottle. “We sought to recreate the full experience of a summer day, lounging by the pool, the warmth of sun-kissed skin, palm trees swaying in the breeze,” explains Huber who developed the scent alongside Rodrigo Flores-Roux. From the familiar, yet elevated, scent to the retro ‘80s branding, Vacation clearly aced the assignment. Plus, the scent has serious lasting power—which you can’t beat for 60 bucks.

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Ellis Brooklyn, Après Eau De Parfum — $108.00

Smells like: a fancy ski trip

If a winter wonderland is more your speed, you’ll fall in love with Ellis Brooklyn’s Après. Featuring notes of fresh juniper berries, warming bourbon, and earthy cedarwood, the woodsy unisex perfume whisks you away to the slopes. It’s jam-packed with nuance—starting out with the crisp and clean scent of forest greens, and developing into a smoky, spiced aroma with a pinch of comforting sweetness as it wears on your skin. Reviewers say the scent sticks around too.

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Tocca, Simone Eau De Parfum — $80.00

Smells like: a dreamy trip Down Under

For a fresh floral take on a classic beachy scent, meet Tocca’s Simone. Thanks to a winning combo of watermelon, tropical frangipani flower, and sweet ylang ylang, the bright-and-breezy scent is a total mood-booster. “It was originally inspired by the summer lifestyle of Sydney’s Bondi Beach—sun-kissed surfers and the surf crashing on the white sands of the beach,” says Joyce Barnes, the brand’s chief operating officer. “It makes me think of sunny, breezy days spent on the beach in Nantucket.”

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By Rosie Jane, Lake Perfume — $70.00

Smells like: a weekend in Lake Tahoe

Rosie Jane’s aptly named Lake Perfume captures the essence of lakeside hangs—minus the Adirondack chairs. Notes of zesty lemon and lime, fresh pine, woody sandalwood, and a hint of vanilla give it a scent that’s clean, woodsy, and sweet all at once, making it a perfume that all types of noses can enjoy. And reviewers say it really does encapsulate the lakeside experience. “Lake is my very favorite [scent],” writes one Sephora shopper in a five-star review. “It smells just like being in the woods at the lake—I should know, I live by a lake in the Colorado high country!”

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Diptyque, Philosykos Eau De Toilette — $125.00

Smells like: a summer getaway in Greece

Inspired by fig trees in the summertime, the undeniably fancy fragrance has notes of fresh greens, fruity fig sap, and soft white wood. It’s the kind of scent you really need to smell to believe, trust me. Plus, it has rave reviews—earning it a 4.5 star rating. “Diptyque’s Philosykos Eau de Parfum is a true work of art,” says one Nordstrom shopper in a five-star review. “The fragrance is elegant, fresh, and long-lasting on the skin.” Agreed on all accounts!

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Maison Margiela, Replica Under the Lemon Trees — $160.00

Smells like: a summer in southern Italy

Save yourself the airfare and spritz this Replica fragrance for an instant trip to Sicily. An elevated take on citrus, you’re not getting that synthetic, cleaning product scent—which makes Under the Lemon Trees worth every penny. It features notes of crisp citrus, green tea, and musk for a fresh and clean scent that’s seriously addictive. What’s more, the light aroma lingers but isn’t heady or overwhelming. If Call Me By Your Name was a fragrance, it’d be this.

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Abbott, The Cape Eau De Parfum — $84.00

Smells like: a surf trip to Cape Cod

A stand out in Abbott’s line of destination-inspired fragrances, The Cape is a clean and refreshing scent touting marine notes, cooling mint, moss, and ginger. The effect is a crisp, salt water aroma that smells like crashing waves in Cape Cod. If the ocean is your personal paradise, The Cape’s uplifting aquatic scent will have you hooked.

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Then I was diagnosed with autism, which the the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) calls autism spectrum disorder (ASD). (For me , along with a number of other autistic people and advocates, the classification of “disorder” doesn’t resonate, as it adds a negative connotation to the condition.)

Finally, I began understanding why I experienced so many of my feelings and reactions: “Individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) are typically more prone to sensory overwhelm,” says Bonnie Ivers, PsyD, the clinical director at the Regional Center of Orange County, a nonprofit that secures services for people with developmental disabilities. “Their neurological systems are not developed in the same way as those without the condition of ASD.”

With this context of how my brain operates, I was better able to both give myself grace and practice self care that supports my specific needs as an autistic person. For example, because my nervous system is more sensitive than many people who are neurotypical, I’ve learned that I need more time to recharge by myself than I previously realized. This often means not answering texts or emails immediately. It also means physically stopping what I’m doing to breathe when an emotional meltdown is coming on. It means not judging myself when my ability to empathize shuts down. And it means understanding that I can’t skip meals or lose sleep and still feel fine, like so many others who aren’t autistic can.

After spending so long trying to operate in the ways a neurotypical person might, it’s been empowering to take charge of my mental health and give myself what I need as an autistic person.

Learning how to practice autism-supportive self care has been a process for me, given that self-care advice is often geared toward neurotypical people. To get clearer on the best ways to fill my own cup, take care of myself, and embrace my neurodiversity—and how other autistic folks might also practice effective self care—I spoke with autistic people and to mental-health professionals who work with the community.

7 effective ways to practice autism-supportive self care

1. Find a practice that helps you de-stress—and do it daily

Because of the sensory sensitivities autism can entail, it may be helpful to learn a practice you can do at any time to calm your nervous system and prevent overwhelm. Victoria Jones, a teacher in Texas, learned yoga from YouTube and now does it for 15 minutes every morning in her living room.

“Being autistic makes me prone to either melting down or shutting down when I’m extremely overwhelmed, so I use yoga to help manage my stress and cope with challenges.” —Victoria Jones, teacher

“Being autistic makes me prone to either melting down or shutting down when I’m extremely overwhelmed, so I use yoga to help manage my stress and cope with challenges,” says Jones. “The stretching makes my body feel amazing, and the deep-breathing techniques help to quiet my mind. When done at home, it’s an easy and inexpensive way to help cope with the stress of living in a neurotypical world.”

Marriage and family therapist Ariel Landrum, LMFT, adds that movement practices like dance and yoga “allow autistic individuals to develop a routine of setting aside time to regulate their bodies.” Mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, and muscle relaxation can also be helpful ways for managing stress or anxiety, particularly when done as a preventative measure rather than a reactive one, says Dr. Ivers.

2. Keep calming items with you in tense moments

To handle working with a difficult co-worker, Jamie Evan Bichelman, a Boston-based mental-health counselor and disability-rights advocate, always keeps a glass of ice water with him. “Every time I felt severe anxiety and a meltdown approaching during my meetings with this person, I’d take a sip of the ice-cold water,” he says. “After the end of the meeting, I’d go to the sink and splash cold water on my face and neck.”

He also kept in his hand a small, silent fidget device—a pen or a magnetic toy small enough to go undetected and durable enough not to break if squeezed tightly. “There is something incredibly powerful and symbolic in tightening your hands into a fist, then passionately letting go,” says Bichelman, “It’s as if to remind yourself: This person does not have the power to induce anger in me.”

3. Spend time away from social media

Avoiding social media can certainly be helpful for anyone, but it’s especially impactful for the intersection of autism and practicing self care. With autism, encountering negative and potentially ableist words on their feeds can exacerbate an existing state of overwhelm or kick-start one.

“There is a remarkable amount of clarity that one begins to feel when they remove the things designed to upset and engage them on social media,” says Bichelman. “I simply cannot use Twitter without doomscrolling—or going down the rabbit hole and finding incendiary tweets that insult my very existence.” For Bichelman, that meant removing the app from his phone entirely. For others, it may mean setting up daily usage limits.

4. Set alarms beyond your morning wake-up

Because many people with autism have intense passions and interests, they can sometimes enter into a state of “hyperfocus,” where they lose awareness of important basic tasks like eating and sleeping, Landrum says. Research defines hyperfocus as the “intense mental concentration fixated on one thought pattern at a time to the exclusion of everything else, including one’s own feelings.”

“Many autistic clients have reported that the tool that has often allowed them to thrive is that of an alarm,” Landrum says—but not just as a wake-up call. Setting alarms to brush teeth, take a shower, and eat lunch are also helpful. As are task apps, like Habitica, which Landrum recommends for those who struggle to stick to their daily routines. By using these simple tools, she says, folks with ASD “do not miss essential activities of daily living and do not fall into hyperfocus.”

5. Learn to socialize on your own terms

“Our neurotypical world frequently emphasizes socializing and can really make people feel negatively if they prefer spending time by themselves,” says Daniel Marston, PhD, a psychologist specializing in autism. “Autism often carries with it a real preference for being alone. Taking many experiences to get comfortable with spending time alone is worth the effort and can really help someone with autism feel much better about their differences.”

Complete isolation isn’t healthy, either, though, for folks with autism aiming to practice self care. Some autistic people prefer one-on-one interactions to larger gatherings. For Emily Owen, an operations manager for an accessibility company in Wales, it’s easier for her to navigate social gatherings by bringing someone she’s close with and leaving time in her schedule to decompress after the event.

“A massive part of self care for me has been learning what my socializing limits are [as someone with autism], accepting them, and working with them, not against them.” —Emily Owen, operations manager

“I used to compare myself to other people and wonder why I would feel so drained when attempting to keep up with their levels of socializing,” she says. “A massive part of self care for me has been learning what my socializing limits are, accepting them, and working with them—not against them.”

Landrum agrees that to avoid emotional meltdowns and even cultivate a social routine that constitutes self care, it’s important to always includes breaks. “Every day should have time intentionally set aside to be with oneself,” she says. “A predictable schedule will help an autistic person feel regulated, but there will be days when unexpected things happen. Therefore, taking breaks will allow time to self-regulate and implement ways to adjust to the change in routine.”

6. Have a plan when overstimulation is unavoidable

Although it’s often most effective to remove yourself from an overstimulating situation, that’s not always possible. In those scenarios, it’s helpful to have a mantra or affirmation to distract yourself from sensory input, says Dr. Marston.

“This could be familiar lines from movies or just the person repeating to themselves, ‘This is okay. I can get through this,’” he says. “It takes some practice, but concentrating on this can be very helpful.”

Another way to cope in moments of unavoidable overwhelm is to bring your attention to your senses, which can help you ground yourself in the present moment. “Grounding methods, combined with continuous mindfulness practices help me maintain my calm center,” says Alexa Donnelly, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in autism. She recommends thinking about “five things I can see, four things I can touch, three things I can hear, two things I can smell, and one thing I can taste.”

7. Have compassion for yourself

If it feels difficult for you to function in certain settings, avoid blaming yourself and recognize that the world was not set up to accommodate those who are neurodiverse.

“The first thing I’ve cultivated is acceptance toward the upsetting realization that your family, close friends, or school counselors failed to adequately prepare you, accommodate you, or even remotely teach you lessons that would benefit you as an emerging adult,” says Bichelman. “They failed to do their job—they failed you—but that doesn’t mean you are a failure. Rather, you’re extraordinary for adapting to a world unkind, unaccommodating, untrained, uneducated, and unwilling to adapt to your needs.”

Let’s put it this way: If you’re a new mom in her 40s, you’re probably already well-stocked on the basics—not only for your baby, but also yourself. You’re well-established, seasoned in what you need, and probably know how to give yourself the TLC you deserve. You also aren’t looking for anything too cliché like a box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers (the last thing you need is yet another thing to care for and keep alive).

In short, a mom in her 40s probably has a better understanding of what she needs, wants and deserves; therefore, coming up with gift ideas for Mother’s Day will take some extra brainstorming to make sure it’s not only well-intentioned, but also well-appreciated. To help inspire you to knock this Mother’s Day out of the park, we’re sharing some of the best gift items for the mom in her 40s—straight from new moms in their 40s.

The most meaningful gifts for a new mom in her 40s

Beauty Pie The Pro DIY Pedicure Kit — $49.00

With Beauty Pie membership: $49 (otherwise $120)

We cannot get enough of Beauty Pie, a beauty membership program that sells luxury skin care, makeup, and home goods that rivals designer brands. In fact, we recently tested dozens of products and identified the best of Beauty Pie—although it was honestly hard to pick just ten goodies. We’d recommend a Beauty Pie membership for anyone, but especially a mom who’s looking to replenish her beauty collection without spending too much of her hard-earned cash (memberships are just $10 a month). If you want to start with one product though, we’re eying this Pro DIY Pedicure Kit—a pro-grade pedicure set that contains everything she needs to give herself salon-worthy nails.

Included in the kit is: Precision-engineered nail clippers, lux toe separators, Dr Glycolic Foot Peel Socks (for the softest heels on the planet), and Footopia Super Softening Foot Cream.

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Tula, Pro-Ferm Overnight Complex — $56.00

To fight under-eye wrinkles and bags (which are only exacerbated by lack of sleep), swipe on this Tula overnight treatment and immediately feel how it infuses that delicate skin with hydration. Formulated with botanical retinol alternatives (Tula’s proprietary Pro-Ferm blend, a powerful combo if polyglutamic acid, evening primrose, fermented green tea seed oil, and ceramides—all of which soften skin and creates more elasticity, without the irritation traditional retinol can cause). Skin in your 40s needs more and more hydration and nourishing—add a little on to the mix, and Mom will want to make sure her skin care is really going the extra mile for her.

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Frida Mom Hospital Packing Kit for Labor, Delivery, & Postpartum — $98.00

No matter how seamless of a delivery or whether or not it was vaginal or cesarean, birth is a major bodily undertaking, as is the recovery that follows, which can last from weeks to months. What’s more: The risk for tearing increases as a woman ages, so mom over 40 are more likely to have a more difficult recovery. Luckily, Frida Mom’s labor and delivery kit has a new mom covered with literally everything they might need to care for themselves at home post-birth, from disposable postpartum underwear and an upside down peri bottle to icicle maxi pads and soothing pad liners. Trust us when we say this gift will be put to good use and so, so appreciated.

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REST Evercool Comforter, Lightweight Cooling Down Alternative Blanket — $199.00

On the laundry list of unpleasant postpartum side effects, hot flashes reign supreme—and these can be even worse for a mom in her 40s. One minute you’re feeling fine and the next your body’s on fire—not a great experience when you’re in the throes of nursing your newborn or trying to get some sleep yourself. That’s where this cooling comforter comes in handy. It’s made from a cooling fabric that dispenses heat 10 times faster than standard cotton. It’s also super soft and luxurious and made from hypoallergenic material and without potentially harmful chemicals.

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Cozy Earth Bamboo Ultra-Soft Shorts — $71.00

Originally $95, now $71

Aside from being Oprah’s favorite bedding and loungewear brand, Cozy Earth is also a beloved sleep essential for the W+G staff. The sheets are amazing—but the loungewear is where the brand *really* shines. The bamboo material Cozy Earth is known for is super breathable and lightweight—so it’s ideal for hot sleepers—as well as being intensely soft. It’s the kind of loungewear you want to wear all day long—and when the idea of hard pants is unbearable, these are shorts you’ll want to turn to. With a stretchy fit and drawstring elastic waist, the shorts move with you and your body, which is so important postpartum.

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R+Co Dallas Biotin Thickening Treatment — $38.00

After shampooing hair, leave this hair thickening treatment on in the shower or bath for just five minutes—in those five minutes, powerhouse ingredients like biotin (which strengths hair), ginseng root extract (which prevents breakage), rice starch (this absorbs oil), quinoa seed extract (repairs split ends), and hydrogenated castor oil (which adds shine) work their magic so that over the course of a couple weeks you’ll get noticeably thicker, fuller hair. Which any new mom can appreciate after postpartum hair loss.

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Beautiful Personal Blender — $42.00

A mom in her 40s likely already has an established morning routine; and, for the mom whose wake-up drink of choice is a fruit smoothie, this may be hard to come by in the foggy haze of the postpartum period. So why not bring the smoothie to her? This personal blender is the perfect appliance to churn out the most delicious morning (or afternoon) pick-me-ups. It has a super powerful emulsifying blade and comes with everything Mom needs to make delicious drinks in seconds, including a No Drippy Sippy flexible straw and twist off lid.

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Stanley Quencher H2.0 FlowState Stainless Steel Vacuum Insulated Tumbler — $59.00

When Mom isn’t sipping on her smoothie, she will probably be sipping on a water bottle of sorts, seeing as new moms, especially those who are breastfeeding, need a ton of H2O to stay hydrated in those early weeks and months post-birth. The Stanley Quencher is up for the task. It can hold up to 40 ounces of any fluid and has an easy-to-use design including their FlowState lid featuring a rotating cover with three positions. It’s made from 90 percent recycled material and is BPA-free.

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Elvie App-Controlled Women's Pelvic Floor Trainer — $178.00

As any mom who’s come before you can attest, one area of your body that takes a big hit postpartum is your pelvic floor. All of that weight from your baby, uterus, amniotic fluid and anything you gained was sitting right on your pelvic muscles, which can naturally weaken them. Unfortunately, age is a risk factor for decreased pelvic floor strength, so moms over 40 need extra TLC in this area. That’s why Elvie came out with their app-controlled pelvic floor trainer, which helps strengthen these intimate muscles, thereby helping to reduce unpleasant symptoms like incontinence.

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Pottery Barn Teddy Bear Robe — $63.00

A new mom’s postpartum wardrobe in those first few weeks and months will probably look very different from their normal day-to-day. And this is especially true if she’s breastfeeding because, well, she’ll have her boobs out most of the day. There’s nothing more comfortable to wear around the house than a high-quality teddy bear robe like this one from Pottery Barn. It’s made from a yarn-dyed fabric that doesn’t get worn down over time and can be easily washed in the machine (something she’ll probably be doing daily anyway!).

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Clevr Blends Rose Cocoa SuperLatte — $28.00

Mom is probably already chugging a carafe of coffee a day, but instead of getting the jitters, Clevr Blends’ Rose Cocoa SuperLatte provides an uptick in mood (thanks to the antioxidant-full cacao) while combatting stress, thanks to the reishi and ashwagandha. All you have to do is take three tablespoons of powder and mix with hot water—that’s it! You don’t even need creamer, thanks to the coconut and oat “super creamer” already in powder form. It tastes delicious, and the best part? It’s easy.

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Hatch Restore Sound Machine and Alarm Clock — $130.00

Most new parents don’t need an alarm clock in those first few weeks and months because, well, your baby basically is a living, breathing one. But a sleep-wake routine is crucial for you both, and this high-tech sound machine device (and yes, alarm) can help soothe you to sleep and help you rise and shine in the most relaxing and calming way. You can choose through their library of soft, soothing sounds or even opt to have a meditation play at night or in the morning. Fall asleep to a gentle rainstorm and walk up to Malibu waves crashing (those are just two examples from their large library of sounds). Everything’s controlled by touch or via the app, so you can even make changes while in your baby’s nursery.

 

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Ember Temperature Control Smart Mug 2 — $124.00

A new mom deserves to drink a cup of coffee that’s hot and still tastes fresh, even if it’s been an hour or more since it was brewed. This smart mug keeps drinks at a preferred temperature (between 120°F – 145°F) for up to 80 minutes. It can be paired with Ember’s app so a new mom can control the temperature from anywhere and has an auto sleep feature that shuts it off after two hours of inactivity (for piece of mind).

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Willow Pump Wearable Double Electric Breast Pump — $549.00

Most new moms who breastfeed also pump and many moms exclusively pump, which means they’ll be spending quite a significant amount of their time in those early days suctioned to a machine. Many breast pumps need to be plugged into a wall and, even those that are “portable” require you to carry around a decently large piece of equipment that you’re still attached to. Enter: the Willow Pump. It’s the first truly wearable breast pump that goes right into your bra. It’s the closest to “enjoyable” pumping gets and allows a new mom to do so many other things while she’s making milk for her baby.

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Oura Ring Gen3, starting at $449

It’s so hard to care for yourself as a new mother, no matter your age, so having a device like the Oura, which can deliver accurate and personalized data and insights around your sleep and health, can be a game changer. It gives you a sleep and activity score along with 24/7 health monitoring to give you the peace of mind you need when you’re so preoccupied with caring for your baby. What’s really cool about it is that it optimizes your sleep and energy levels to give you custom readings and advice for the following day about your workouts (we wrote about that here). For instance, if you’re not getting enough sleep, Oura will remind you to take more gentle, walking recoveries to get your body back on track. If you’ve had really restful sleep, Oura will recommend longer time spent moving.

It’s also a great tool for cycle tracking, which is helpful if she’s not keen on going right back to hormonal birth control after giving birth. It’s not a perfect science, but the Oura Ring tracks BBT (basal body temperature), so it predicts when your next period will be (and when you’ll ovulate).

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UGG Women's Scuffette II Slipper — $95.00

Nothing says “I love you” quite like a new pair of Ugg slippers. One of the brand’s best-sellers is the Scuffette II, which is made from 100 percent sheepskin and is supremely comfortable. It comes in 10 different colors to match the new mom in your life’s vibe and personal style, and ships in a jiffy (just make sure her size is not sold out!).

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Olaplex Hair Repair Treatment Kit — $62.00

Even for those moms who are unscathed by the effects of postpartum hair loss, they still may have trouble making the time (or having the energy) to get to the salon. This hair repair treatment kit is the closest you can get to a new, healthier head of hair without having to leave your house at all. It contains full and travel sizes of their best-sellers, including their Nº.0 Intensive Bond Building Treatment, Nº.3 Hair Perfector, Nº.4 Bond Maintenance® Shampoo and Nº.5 Bond Maintenance Conditioner.

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This isn’t something she can unwrap, per se, but it is something she’ll be able to enjoy on her own, or with the company of family and friends. Whether she’s an adventurer who’s craving a road trip somewhere far away, or needs to kick back with some R&R in her own home, check out these experience gifts for moms, designed to give her memories that’ll last way longer than a floral bouquet or fuzzy slippers.

Best experience gifts for Mother’s Day, at a glance:

• Sur La Table Cooking Class
• A Stay at Getaway House
• Airbnb Experience
• Fitness at Classpass
• A National Park Visit
• An Uncommon Experience at Uncommon Goods
• At-Home Manicures with FabFitFun
• Live Music Performances at Sofar Sounds
• Cook a Meal With Cozymeal
• Renew Retreat at Hilton Head Health

11 experience gifts for mom to give this Mother’s Day

1. Take a Sur La Table cooking class

No matter if she’s a seasoned home chef or leaves the cooking to someone else, Sur La Table’s cooking classes are a fun experience she’ll enjoy. For $79 per seat, treat her and a friend to in-store cooking classes where she’ll get hands-on experience learning professional culinary techniques, like how to whisk a French white wine sauce, or how to make a traditional South American salsa from scratch. Or, buy the ingredients before hand and surprise her to a night in with an online class.

Buy your gift here.

2. Unplug at a Getaway

Mom in desperate need of an escape? Getaway has got you covered with its cozy cabins nestled in nature just two hours outside of select major cities. Each cabin is equipped with a snuggly bed, kitchen, bathroom, outdoor amenities, and—the best part—a lock box for electronics, allowing visitors to truly unplug and, well, get away. Customize your gift card amount and Mom can book her trip whenever she wants.

Buy your gift here.  Use code DESTRESS2023 for 15 percent off.

3. Book an Airbnb Experience

Whale watching in Boston, a guided tour of LA in a vintage Cadillac, salsa dancing lessons in Miami—whatever you can think of in whatever city you are, and Airbnb has an experience for you. Treat mom to a “staycation” in her town with an activity or tour guided by a local. Or, plan ahead for your next family vacation and search thousands of adventures to book in advance.

Buy your gift here. 

4. Sweat it out with Class Pass

For the moms who never stop moving, get a Class Pass. It allows them to find fitness classes in their area, where they can sign up and bounce from class to class, trying everything from water aerobics to hot yoga. Plans start at $15 a month, but you can also buy gift cards for whatever amount you choose.

Buy your gift here. 

5. Adventure out with a National Parks Pass

As a cartoon Boy Scout once famously said, “adventure awaits.” Get out and see America’s natural splendor with a National Parks Pass, Mom’s ticket to more than 2,000 federal parks, forests, and grasslands across the country. An $80 pass gives her access to all these seriously cool places, plus standard amenity fees and day use fees for all passengers in one vehicle, so you can go along for the ride.

Buy your gift here. 

6. Cultivate her green thumb in a plant care workshop

DTC houseplant delivery service The Sill offers in-person and online plant care workshops where Mom and a friend can get their hands dirty and care for their plant BBs. Choose from basic care classes, like Pests Care 101 ($0 per person), or focus on learning a select skill, like propagation or terrarium building. Online classes are free—all you need is Wifi to join.

Buy your gift here. 

7. Get crafty with an Uncommon Experience

Unleash Mom’s inner artist with an experience from Uncommon Goods, the online marketplace known for its unique artisan gifts. These aren’t your typical virtual paint-and-sip art classes—Uncommon Experiences are, “unexpected opportunities to have fun and connect in new ways.” Think: flower arranging, astrology chart mapping, bath bomb workshops, all hosted right in your living room, giving you and mom and new way to spend movie night.

Buy your gift here. 

8. Do at-home manicures with a FabFitFun Spa box

You know FabFitFun for its adorable quarterly subscription boxes loaded with goodies. Rather than getting her more stuff, buy a box that doubles as an experience, like the new Spa Box or Haircare Box. Don’t worry—she’ll still get a ton of good stuff from top beauty brands like Kosas, Living Proof, and more. But bring the day spa home and spend an evening *actually* doing the at-home mani pedis or hair masks together.

Buy your gift here. 

9. Jam out with Sofar Sounds

For the mothers who love live music, you can’t go wrong with a ticket to Sofar Sounds. At unique venues across the US, listen to diverse acts, listen in community, and BYOB. It’s guaranteed to be a fun time.

Buy your gift here. 

10. Learn how to cook traditional pasta carbonara

You and your mom can take a virtual trip to Italy with Cozymeal’s Traditional Pasta Carbonara where you’ll learn how to cook carbonara. The kit comes with a pasta machine, pasta cutter, and promises a fully interactive class, so you and your mom can channel your inner chef. You’ll also learn how to use leftover egg whites to make a delicious chocolate cake (yum).

Buy your gift here. 

11. Renew at Hilton Head Health

If you’ve got the coins to treat the mother figure in your life, Hilton Head Health offers all-inclusive Renew Retreats to get your relaxation on. Included in your stay are luxury accommodations, healthy meals and snacks, a 50-minute custom massage, cooking demonstration, and so much more.

Buy your gift here. 

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In truth, some passive-aggressive people might not ever reach this point of introspection because the very passive nature of their actions could lead them to believe that they aren’t contributing to the conflict at all. Instead of tackling conflicts head-on, passive-aggressive people prefer to beat around the bush and ignore the reality of their own feelings, says psychotherapist Peter Schmitt, LMHC, associate clinical director at Kip Therapy.

Ahead, read on to learn more about what passive-aggressive behavior is, how to spot it in yourself and others, and ways to stop it from derailing your relationships.

What is passive-aggressive behavior?

Passive-aggressive behavior is when someone indirectly expresses their feelings rather than directly communicates their negative emotions. A passive-aggressive person “often says things that are incongruent with what they do,” says psychotherapist Anita Astley, LMFT, author of the forthcoming book Unf*ck Your Life and Relationships. In other words, passive-aggressive people might say they’re fine, but their actions won’t show it.

Examples of Passive-Aggressive Communication

If you’re the type of empath that can easily pick up on the emotions of others, it might be glaringly obvious to you when someone is masking their unhappiness with passive aggression. For the rest of us, some passive-aggressive manipulation tactics aren’t as easily discernible; sometimes they’re even masqueraded as acts of good faith to repair the relationship, or evidence that the other person is “over it”.

Some of the most common examples of passive-aggressive communication include:

• The silent treatment
• Sarcasm
• Indirect bids at sympathy
• Unrelated complaints
• Huffing and puffing
• Subtle put-downs
• Indirect attacks or mentions online (see also: cyberbullying vs. bullying)

How Passive-Aggressive Behavior Impacts Relationships

Those on the receiving end of passive aggression might feel frustrated by their partner’s cryptic behaviors. “Dealing with someone’s passive aggression can feel like trying to read the proverbial mixed signal,” says Schmitt. Just think about a time when someone insisted that “it’s fine” when you could tell deep-down that it wasn’t—and yet you still couldn’t parse what was actually wrong for them. “The frustration over this lack of direct communication or someone else’s denial of their own aggression can serve to escalate a conflict,” he says.

The person being passive probably isn’t going to be feeling great, either. “The passive-aggressive person can become even more frustrated and angry as they are not able to effectively express their negative feelings, leading to further confusion about what is actually happening that makes it virtually impossible to move from problem to solution,” says Astley.

That just means that the initial issue triggering the passive-aggressive behavior isn’t able to be resolved, leaving the passive person continually stewing. “Someone who is passive aggressive can miss out on having their emotional needs met,” says Tania DeBarros, LICSW, psychotherapist on the mental-health platform Alma. “If people don’t know how you’re feeling, it’s harder for them to know what will help you feel better.” And the longer that the passive person waits for the other person to read their mind, the more disconnection and resentment can build, she adds.

Eventually, those feelings are bound to come out in one way or another—since stifling or couching anger in passive actions does not erase it. “Because passive-aggressive people are not able to express and manage their aggression, they are more likely to once in a while have disproportionate emotional outbursts,” says Astley.

Over time, passive aggression can create a cycle of mistrust between both parties: mistrust that the aggressor will effectively communicate their needs, and mistrust that the receiver will be able to fulfill them.

What causes a person to be passive aggressive?

Like many behavioral tendencies, passive aggression typically arises first during childhood as a result of how a person is conditioned to perceive anger and aggression. “Passive-aggressive people have often learned from an early age that expressing negative thoughts and feelings is never an acceptable nor safe thing to do,” says Astley.

When someone sees or hears this message repeatedly, whether implicitly or explicitly, they can internalize it, “which creates a blueprint around the expression and management of aggression within the self and with others,” says Astley. Over time, the person may not even recognize or acknowledge anger when it arises or could learn to suppress it out of a fear of conflict, she says.

In the same realm, a passive person may have been “emotionally invalidated” as a child, or had their feelings minimized or dismissed to the point that, later in life, they invalidate their own feelings. “If a person doesn’t believe that their feelings are important, it can be difficult or seem pointless to express them to someone else,” says DeBarros. “Their internal dialogue may sound like, ‘It’s not that big of a deal,’ ‘I’m overreacting,’ ‘I’m being emotional,’ or ‘I shouldn’t feel X emotion because they didn’t mean it that way.’”

It’s also possible for this dialogue to develop in a particular relationship, in response to another person’s behavior, says Kate Deibler, LCSW, psychotherapist at Alma. “The person that someone feels angry with may have shown themselves previously to respond negatively toward anger,” she says, leading the other person to then conceal it at all costs. Or perhaps the passive person “lives or works in an environment where strong emotions are punished,” thus teaching them to mask these emotions, which then ultimately emerge in a passive way instead, says Schmitt.

Alternatively, passive aggression could be part of a fawning trauma response, says DeBarros. “This happens when a person develops appeasing [aka people-pleasing] behaviors to avoid conflict and to establish a sense of safety,” she says. “If someone feels that it is unsafe to directly address how they feel, they may turn to passive-aggressive behaviors instead.”

According to licensed therapist Deborah Vinall, PsyD, author of Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide to Heal from Emotional Abuse and Build Healthy Relationships, passive-aggressive behavior often stems from insecurity. Expressing our desires is difficult without self-confidence, so instead, passive-aggressive people will attempt to manipulate the desired outcome through non-confrontational communication.

How To Tell if Your Behavior Is Passive-Aggressive

While you might be able to easily pinpoint these signs of passive-aggressive behavior in someone else, it can be harder to recognize when you might be the passive-aggressive one, says Schmitt. Suppressing your anger takes a lot of focus—so much so that you might not even realize you’re being passive aggressive in the moment.

The more that other people around you respond to your passive-aggressive behavior in a way that reinforces it, the tougher it’ll be for you to identify for yourself that it’s happening, too, says DeBarros.

“For example, if every time I sulk, someone gives me attention, asks me what’s wrong, or does something to make me feel better without me having to communicate my needs clearly, I will learn that if I sulk, I get support,” she says. But of course, this ignores the underlying tendency to act passive aggressively and the harm that this lack of clear communication can do to a friendship or relationship over time.

Worried that *you* might be the passive-aggressive person in the relationship? Keep reading to see five telltale signs of passive aggressive behavior.

5 Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior To Look For in Yourself

1. You consider yourself a non-confrontational or non-angry person in an absolute way

Maintaining a very antagonistic relationship with angry feelings—as in, “I don’t ever get angry with people”—can be a sign that you typically express your anger passively. “The truth is that we all contain aggressive feelings at times, and so an attempt to suppress that part of ourselves will ultimately come through as passive aggression or something worse,” says Schmitt.

In the same vein, feeling like you have “almost no experience with anger or irritation is a fair indicator that it’s being sublimated into something else or releasing through another pathway,” says Deibler.

That may also be the case if you consider your approach to conflict to be wholly non-confrontational but then find that people on the other end often react as if you had said something aggressive or hurtful, says Schmitt. (This just means that they could sense your passive-aggressive behavior, and they’re upset or confused by your failure to express what you’re feeling directly.)

2. Others accuse you of being indirect with your feelings

In the same way that you can probably pinpoint passive aggression in someone else more easily than you could in yourself, your close friends and loved ones probably have a better read on your passive aggression than you do. If others accuse you of beating around the bush with your feelings or label you as upset when you feel that you’ve been non-confrontational, that’s a good indicator that you’re engaging in passive-aggressive behavior.

3. You say things that you don’t really mean

One of the most transparent signs of passive aggressive behavior in others is also a habit you might miss in yourself: saying yes when you mean no (or vice versa) in any context, says Astley. It can be tempting to say something just in an effort to avoid a conflict, but if the words that come out of your mouth are in direct opposition to how you feel (e.g., the now-infamous faux “I’m fine”), chances are that passive aggression will leave you stewing.

4. You often use sarcasm to express your feelings in an argument

While sarcasm isn’t always about deflecting the conversation from how you’re actually feeling or being passive about your feelings, if you find yourself using it mostly when you’re upset or having difficult conversations, that’s usually a sign of passive-aggressive behavior, says DeBarros.

5. You expect others to just “get” how you’re feeling

If you find yourself frustrated by someone’s lack of understanding before you’ve taken the time to explain your feelings, you’re likely acting passive aggressively, says DeBarros. The expectation that a loved one can mind-read your feelings by way of your passive actions is a surefire route toward miscommunication and conflict—whereas expressing your feelings directly, however difficult that may seem in the moment, can put you on a path toward mutual understanding.

How To Stop Yourself From Being Passive-Aggressive

Before you can express upset or angry feelings to others in a productive way, you need to acknowledge that you do, in fact, have these feelings. “The best antidote to passive aggression is to embrace our genuine experiences of aggression,” says Schmitt.

To do that, make time each day to actively check in and identify how you feel using feeling words, says DeBarros (e.g., nervous, excited, happy, tired, upset, etc.) When creating that list for any given moment, be sure to allow room for negative feelings to surface. “Once you can identify them, practice being comfortable with them by telling yourself, ‘It’s okay; I am allowed to have these negative thoughts and feelings, and it doesn’t mean I am a bad person, but rather that I am a healthy person,’” says Astley.

While it’s certainly wise to be mindful about how you act on negative feelings, “there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having them, and they can provide valuable information as to what we need from others, and where others may be falling short of our expectations in relationships,” says Schmitt. For example, it’s only through feeling upset or disappointed with how a relationship is going and being able to acknowledge that reality that you’ll then also be able to assert your needs to your partner and have those needs met.

When sharing your feelings, recognize that the other party might not react in the way that you’d hope; acknowledge that just like you, they’re entitled to their own feelings, adds Dr. Vinall. Confrontation is scary, but avoiding the rift at hand with passive-aggressive behavior will only make things worse.

”Notice the fear of vulnerability that comes with being honest about your heart’s desires,” Dr. Vinall says, “and with self-compassion, bravely press through.”

Passive-Aggressive Communication FAQs

What is passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD)?

Passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD), as defined by the American Psychological Association, is a personality disorder that involves chronic ambivalence towards yourself and others. Those with PAPD regularly contradict themselves: They might say that a situation doesn’t bother them, but in reality, they’re deeply upset by it. People with PAPD often fall into cycles of negativism and brew in their own skepticism about themselves and others.

According to Vinall, this official classification is outdated. Passive-aggressive personality disorder was omitted from the most recent version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR) due to its lack of sufficient research.

“We no longer consider this behavior as stemming from an intractable personality disorder,” Dr. Vinall says, “but as a behavior pattern that is learned and can be unlearned.”

What are the traits of a passive-aggressive person?

Low self esteem and a lack of self confidence are two of the most common traits of passive-aggressive people, says Dr. Vinall. Despite this, Vinall says that chronically passive-aggressive people often believe that they deserve special treatment, similarly to narcissists.

Additionally, passive-aggressive people often lack emotional maturity and are unable to process their anger in a healthy manner. Other passive-aggressive traits include looking down on others, general hostility, stubbornness a lack of respect for others’ wishes, and a persisting negative outlook on life, says Vinall.

Is ‘silent treatment’ passive aggressive?

One of the most common examples of passive-aggressive behavior is the ‘silent treatment’. The silent treatment is when one person completely shuts down all forms of communication with a person or party they’re unhappy with, leaving the other party to cope with unanswered questions and unresolved conflict.

This form of conflict avoidance is particularly harmful, and in practice, is actually a form of emotional neglect.

How do you outsmart passive-aggressive people?

When dealing with passive-aggressive people, it’s important to hold self-respecting boundaries, says Dr. Vinall. Without bending to passive-aggressive manipulation, take notice of avoidant behaviors and consider taking the first step toward direct communication with them.

Explore the initial rift and what feelings might be driving their behaviors. A little digging might uncover the root of the insecurity that’s driving their passive aggressiveness: Do they feel left out? Do they feel undermined? Do they feel unloved, or unimportant?

“Such an approach may soften the guarded communicator and make space for a genuine connection,” says Vinall.

Sure, maybe there is slightly more comfort in listening to your favorite artist at a safer decibel and in a more tranquil environment. But there are unique mental health benefits to seeing music live. Concerts don’t just make us “feel good.” In fact, they can improve our well-being more than we may realize.

1. Concerts provide a sense of community

When you’re at a live concert, you experience music’s ability to connect with people from all walks of life. “Coming together in this communal form of music sharing magnifies experiences,” says Kristen Stewart, LCAT, MT-BC, a board-certified music therapist and assistant director at The Louis Armstrong Department of Music Therapy at Mount Sinai in New York City. She explains that experiencing live music “cultivates connection and feeling a part of a larger and potentially meaningful whole.” Meaning: Listening to music together is a bonding experience, or as French sociologist Emile Durkheim described it, “collective effervescence.” We’re all in it together, which can make us feel less alone.

What’s more, science shows that the rhythm in music helps us synchronize our minds and body movements, which increases our sense of community. “You could think of [concerts] as finding a sacred, euphoric space of togetherness,” says Scott Glassman, PsyD, director of the Master of Applied Positive Psychology Program at Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine, and author of A Happier You. Clapping, singing, and swaying together to the same beat makes us feel closer to each other—a key component of well-being.

2. Listening to music releases happy hormones while decreasing stress

It’s not uncommon to feel a heightened level of happiness at concerts. Stewart explains that listening to music triggers a release of “feel-good” hormones, such as serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins.

Dr. Glassman points out that a study from Western Michigan University’s School of Music found that improvised singing among a jazz ensemble was associated with higher amounts of oxytocin release. “Oxytocin is considered the ‘social bonding’ hormone,” Dr. Glassman says. “The researchers also observed lower levels of adrenocorticotropic hormone, which is tied to stress.” Singing along with your favorite artists could, in fact, bring down your blood pressure, along with all the other negative effects of stress on your body.

3. Concerts lead to significantly higher levels of well-being

Sure, there are some mental health benefits to even just turning on Spotify. But attending a live music gig amplifies the positive effects. “Just the act of choosing to attend a concert can foster a sense of empowerment,” says Dr. Glassman. “Combining dance or movement with social connection, two other major ingredients of attending concerts, present a powerful synthesis of elements that independently are associated with higher levels of well-being.”

One study done by London music venue The O2 found that concerts increased well-being by just over 20 percent after only 20 minutes of gig time, which was more than yoga (10 percent) or dog walking (7 percent). The study authors extrapolated that by attending a gig every other week, ultimately, this significant improvement in well-being could result in an increased life expectancy by up to nine years (!). Of course, a music venue would say that. Still, if you’ve been trying to decide whether the cost of those Taylor Swift tickets is worth it, it’s a pretty forceful argument.

Want to take it a step further? Join the band

If you want to get the most benefits out of music, try making some yourself: Playing music can act as a workout for the brain. Dr. Glassman says music therapy has been shown to help people with traumatic brain injuries with cognitive recovery, social functioning, and emotional adjustment, referencing one study from Finland in which the participants reported improved emotional regulation, more energy, feelings of competence, self-awareness, and positive mindset. “Some said they were better able to detach from negative feelings and control impulsive behavior,” says Dr. Glassman.

Similarly, scientists have found that cognitive skills improved dramatically among older adults who took part in music improvisation. Specifically, that included focus, fluency (how easily our brains process information), working memory (short-term memory), and recognition memory (remembering something we’ve previously encountered).

If you’re not a musician, remember two things: 1. It’s never too late to learn, and 2. The shower will never judge your singing abilities.

Rubin’s doctor told her that day that her extreme nearsightedness puts her at high risk for a detached retina, which can cause vision loss. While she knew, intellectually, that she could lose her vision (or any sense) at any point, the gravity of that hadn’t really hit her—until her doctor mentioned it explicitly. “I suddenly thought, ‘My sight is so precious to me, and yet, I don’t pay any attention to it. I don’t appreciate it. I didn’t notice a single thing on my way [to the doctor’s office],’” she says.

“I suddenly thought, ‘My sight is so precious to me, and yet, I don’t pay any attention to it. I don’t appreciate it.’” —Gretchen Rubin, happiness expert

On her walk home through the streets of New York City, everything seemed to pop in Technicolor, tickling all her senses in a way she’d never before experienced—just because she decided to pay attention. The buildings appeared rife with architectural details, the car horns and birdsong danced in her eardrums, and the panoply of smells (again, this is New York City) seemed as pungent as a parfumerie.

Since the big epiphany that led her to become a happiness researcher, Rubin has certainly experienced plenty of others surrounding, say, the impact of your environment on your happiness and the joy-sparking power of small habits. But here was yet another: The five senses (or however many are accessible to you) can be a tool for experiencing more joy and presence in your daily life. Putting that notion to the test would become the subject of her most recent book, Life in Five Senses: How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World, released April 18.

Why neglecting any of the five senses can hold you back from happiness

Though Rubin had been studying happiness for years prior to that fateful walk home from the eye doctor, she’d been feeling for some time that there was a key element she was overlooking.

“I felt like I’d gotten stuck in my head and was sort of out of touch,” she says. In the book, she describes the feeling as a “chronic fog of preoccupation”—the kind that long allowed her to walk right by a beautiful sunset without so much as noticing it because she was “too busy rewriting a paragraph in her head,” she tells me. Or, to tune out an entire audiobook because she was preoccupied with thinking about the items on her to-do list.

Rubin’s hyper-focus on efficiency had detached her from the sensations of her life and what she calls “the quick hits of exuberance” that her five senses could provide. Neglecting her senses had left her stuck in her head, unable to really feel and experience things in her body, and struggling to be present or appreciate the moment.

In particular, Rubin found that she had especially been neglecting her sense of taste. “I could see from observing other people’s enjoyment and appreciation of different cuisines that this was something I was really not tuned into,” she says. Whereas others might naturally like to explore new restaurants or cook new dishes or even watch TV shows and movies about cooking, Rubin never had any interest in any of that. “I’m in three book clubs and I like to host them at my place, but I’ve always wished I could just skip the dinner portion,” she says.

While foodies may be cringing at these sentiments, it’s common for people to neglect at least one of their five senses on a regular basis, says Rubin. That’s why she created a “Neglected Sense” quiz to help people identify which sense they may be disregarding and how that might be limiting their experience of their own life, and therefore, their happiness.

“With a neglected sense, you don’t try to learn about it, you don’t want to talk about it, and you don’t seek out new experiences surrounding it,” says Rubin. That lack of engagement can then reinforce a negative cycle: If you aren’t really noticing a particular sense (say, taste or hearing), you also won’t realize what you’re missing, which can just keep you from engaging, further restricting your ability to enjoy the sensations of that particular sense.

How embracing your senses can help you experience more joy and mindfulness

At a broad level, tapping into the five senses is a way to notice the everyday joy-sparking elements of life—a sweet-smelling bakery, a warm and fluffy puppy—that might otherwise just pass you by. “The five senses are a concrete way to get back into direct contact with your body and your life,” says Rubin.

Though that might just look like tuning into a particular sense in your day-to-day life, you can also engage in activities that especially activate one or more of them, like, for instance, going to a museum to stimulate your sense of sight, heading to a sandy beach to dial into touch, or simply savoring a meal more intently in order to really tap into taste.

“Once you’re actually aware of your senses, you’ll also realize that you can take steps to make your environment more inviting.” —Rubin

Because Rubin had found that her engagement with taste was especially minimal, she decided to design an activity geared even more explicitly around it: a taste party. Different from a typical dinner party, the taste party consisted of tasting a bunch of different varieties of apples, potato chips, and other foods side-by-side with friends (without having any information on what they were) and sharing realtime thoughts and reactions.

“It’s the kind of thing you don’t typically do as part of everyday life, so it sparks a ton of different opinions and conversations,” says Rubin. As for how the party influenced her experience of taste? It was a fascinating exercise on how your awareness of a sense can change when you pay attention, she says.

Case in point: her newfound appreciation for ketchup. “When you really focus on the flavor of ketchup, it’s bonkers how complex it is,” she says. In fact, after one of her friends tasted ketchup at the taste party (without knowing what it was), she told Rubin she thought it was “some incredibly sophisticated dip.”

That’s the power of embracing the senses directly as a route toward more mindfulness and, in turn, more happiness, too. “I just get so much more pleasure out of [eating] now, and I don’t take my sense of taste for granted,” says Rubin.

Paying closer attention to the five senses can also teach you a lot about yourself and the different sensory inputs you like (and don’t like), which can help you better shape your environment to suit yourself, says Rubin. For instance, you might find by tapping into your sense of sound, that you enjoy the hum of a coffee shop or particular types of background music, or that you despise the sound of certain notifications or beeps created by household items. “A lot of times, we just put up with those unpleasant things, or we don’t take action to change our environments to suit our senses,” says Rubin. “But once you’re actually aware of your senses, you’ll also realize that you can take steps to make your environment more inviting.”

“Our senses are this vital aspect of our existence that are also strangely easy to ignore.” —Rubin

In a similar way, embracing the five senses can also help you connect more deeply with other people—which is its own generator of happiness. Rubin’s taste party, for example, sparked connection points around whether people thought the different food items tasted good or bad, reminded them of a certain memory, or otherwise elicited a reaction. But Rubin contends that any sensory experience can create the glue that bonds people together.

Sharing a meal or a drink or visiting a museum are perhaps classic examples of activities meant to activate different senses and that, in turn, create room for positive connection. That’s one of the reasons why Rubin suspects we’ve seen an influx of “immersive” exhibits and activations as of late: “Having a unique sensory experience is a cool thing to share with other people.”

Immersive exhibits, like the traveling Immersive Van Gogh, are also designed to remove the typical distractions to our senses by making a sensory experience the whole point. And that’s what Rubin thinks we all need a little more of in our lives. “Our senses are this vital aspect of our existence that are also strangely easy to ignore,” she says. “But by tapping into them, I really think we can make our lives deeper and richer in so many ways.”

Swift seems to be saying that inauthenticity and narcissism are two traits of her shadow self, or the aspects of the personality that are difficult for her to accept. “The concept of the shadow self was first introduced by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung,” holistic-business and mind-set coach Amina AlTai previously told Well+Good. “He believed, studied, and demonstrated that we all have dark sides of our personality that we hide in order to stay safe, lovable, and accepted by our communities, families, and society.”

But shedding light on your shadow and learning how it presents itself can help you feel more integrated and connected to yourself—you can do so by taking a simple shadow personality test that can kickstart the exploration of your shadow self, which according to experts, is a key part of who you are.

What is the shadow self?

The concept of the shadow self is about what’s underneath the persona we present to others. According to clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD, author of Joy From Fear, it’s all about what’s underneath the surface. “The shadow aspect tends to be the part we are not familiar with that we tend to repress,” she says. “It often holds the pieces of the self that are filled with shame, guilt, inferiority, and unlovability—all of those critical pieces that we like to keep away from the persona that is very ego-driven,” she says. Everyone has a shadow, and Dr. Manly says what’s important is to recognize your personal shadow traits and to draw them out into the light to work on healing and integrating them.

Often, things you judge others for being are your shadow traits, or emotions you don’t allow yourself to feel, like anger, for example, are elements you’ve put into your shadow because you believe revealing them to others would lead to disconnection or rejection.

So where do these shadow traits come from? According to licensed therapist Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC, co-founder of Viva Wellness and author of The Shadow Work Workbook: Self-Care Exercises for Healing Your Trauma and Exploring Your Hidden Self, for many people the shadow self is a result of their past experiences. “For most people a lot of it is historical, and sometimes it can be a present manifestation of a shadow that has long roots in a person’s history,” he says.

There’s no specific list of shadow traits, because any emotion can be part of someone’s shadow self. However, it’s important to note that the specific emotions that comprise someone’s shadow self aren’t necessarily only negative ones. What determines someone’s shadow trait isn’t the presence of an emotion, but rather how it’s expressed, Dr. Manly says. For example, I took the quiz and got anger. While anger can manifest in negative and damaging ways, it’s not itself a negative emotion because it can also have useful, positive applications like keeping you safe by enforcing your boundaries. Whereas a negative expression of anger would be erupting at people unexpectedly or demeaning others.

Similarly, even seemingly positive traits can be part of the shadow self. Going back to the Taylor Swift example, altruism and volunteerism are generally considered positive qualities; however, if someone only does good deeds for others to get something in return, like monetary compensation or admiration or recognition, that would be a shadow manifestation of that quality that isn’t necessarily positive. “If you are really just giving for givings’ sake that is a light quality, but if you’re doing it to get something back from it that would be shadow,” Dr. Manly says.

And through doing shadow work, it’s possible to bring these emotions into the light (meaning become conscious of them) so they don’t cause harm in the background (your subconscious). This work isn’t instant and can happen over a lifetime. According to Caraballo, the idea of shadow work is to identify and work on these emotions to the point that “those things won’t be sort of working subconsciously in the background creating these internal conflicts that may manifest in troubles in our everyday lives.”

How to use quizzes and assessments to learn about your shadow self

While Dr. Manly says short shadow personality tests like this one are overly simple and not a useful tool for definitively learning about your shadow self, they can serve as a jumping off point to explore further. In a session with a clinical psychologist or therapist, a more rigorous analysis takes place that can allow someone to actually do the work of contending with their shadow self.

“It’s not easy to face these parts so it’s really important that people take their time even if they’re really excited or hopeful about what they can learn and work through.”—Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC, therapist and author 

And while many people can benefit from doing shadow work, it’s important to note that there are some for whom this work won’t be realistic or possible. Because this involves considering what some people may find to be the worst parts of themselves, Caraballo says it’s important to delve into this when you’re not in psychological or mental crisis mode.

Especially coming out of the pandemic he’s noticed people wanting to engage with their emotions more deeply, but that the idea of uncovering something potentially unpleasant can be unnerving to some. He emphasizes the importance of taking your time doing shadow work and not rushing through, and only doing it when you have “really solid and consistent sources to help ground [you].”

When it comes to grounding, guided meditations may help, and Caraballo personally uses a token ritual to do this. (“It’s where you sort of imbue a small token with a certain psychic energy through meditation, and you use that as a grounding tool moving forward to help you feel safe as you navigate a difficult situation,” he says.) The key is to have the supports in place before you start. “It’s not easy to face these parts,” he says, “so it’s really important that people take their time even if they’re really excited or hopeful about what they can learn and work through.”

Really just 14 minutes earlier. That’s the length of a new routine of dynamic stretches for the morning from Well+Good’s Trainer of the Month, physical therapist Winnie Yu, DPT, who has put together her go-to moves for the morning. The full-body routine will lube up your joints and tendons, and also help activate your muscles. This will have you feeling more alert, but it will also enable your muscles to perform their very important duties of holding you up with good posture all day.

“If you spend a lot of time on your phone, or even at your computer for your day-to-day, this is a great thing you can do to prime those muscles at the start of the day,” Dr. Yu says.

Don’t worry, we know these are the first moves you’ll do in the morning, so Dr. Yu is ready to ease you into it with slow, gentle movement. You’ll start with a dynamic version of a three-directional child’s pose, meaning you’ll stretch back onto your hips with your arms in front of you, to the left, and to the right, moving in and out of tabletop position. Bringing a little movement to what’s typically a static recovery stretch is “a great way to bring more blood flow to those muscles at the start of the day,” Dr. Yu says. “Once we switch over to the opposite direction, we can hone in to each side a little bit better. You should feel a deeper stretch into those side trunk muscles.”

Next, half kneeling poses, lunges, and even some planks (don’t worry—you won’t be holding the position long), will help gently awaken your hip flexors, which can get shortened when you spend long periods of time sitting.

Finally, a standing series in which you’ll stretch your shoulders, open your chest, and create space in your lower back, will set you up for feeling “looser, more mobile, and ready to tackle the day,” Dr. Yu says.

So, have we convinced you to set your alarm 14 minutes earlier? Give it a shot: Your body will thank you for it.

Just ask our editors and staffers, who aren’t afraid to indulge themselves with a “happiness gadget” here and there. Between the hustle-and-bustle of working at a digital publication and balancing busy personal lives, a lil’ treat (or a big treat) can work wonders on our mood and mindset. I can confirm—my personal shopping cart was full of happiness boosters this month, and each made my day a little bit brighter that when it started. Scroll to see everything that brought us pure, unadulterated joy in April—they might just bring you pure, unadulterated joy, too.

All the things that made us happiest this month

Cure, Lemonade Hydrating Electrolyte Mix (Pack of 14) — $24.00

Even though I write about how important it is to drink water, I don’t drink enough water. Sick of being a hypocrite (and being thirsty) I invested in a few bags of Cure’s delicious hydration packets which make refueling delicious. After receiving a box of its new Lemonade as a sample (which is so refreshing, btw), I ordered more on Amazon, plus the Grapefruit and Lime flavors to switch things up. They’re completely plant-based, have less natural sugar than competitors, and are worth every penny.

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Tracksmith, Corduroy Hat — $55.00

“I’d been fancying this for a couple years, but it seemed totally impractical—I mostly wear baseball hats for running, and who wants something heavy and hot on their head for that?” says Senior Health and Fitness Editor, Jenny Heimlich. “But, like I once told to my husband when he asked why cut flowers are more ‘romantic’ than potted plants, sometimes impractical things bring us the most joy because, really, their main purpose is joy. So I finally got myself this hat last month, and it makes me happy every time I wear it, whether running or just walking around the neighborhood. It’s even turned out to be pretty ideal for shoulder-season because it’s lighter than a beanie but warmer than a trucker hat. So, more practical than I thought!”

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Good American, Always Fits Metallic Shoulder Top + Bottom — $104.00

Summer’s coming, baby! That’s why Lifestyle Editor, Erica Sloan, added this bad boy to her cart. “I’ve been wanting a one-shoulder suit. It’s pretty cute and actually fits!” she says. “It’s also metallic-y, the shimmery is so cute. A spark of joy, might you say—a spark of metallic-y, shimmery joy.”

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Year of Ours, Runyon Waist Pack — $68.00

“This functional fanny pack is giving ‘go outside and enjoy the spring weather!'”, says senior food editor, Betty Gold. “As someone living with type 1 diabetes, I need to carry emergency crap (glucose, blood sugar monitoring supplies, needles) around with me on every single errand, workout, and dog walk. We’re finally getting some sunshine and warmth in New York City, and I love that I can just clip this around my waist and be off. Say what you want about fanny packs—I’ll keep having my fun.”

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Slumberpod, Slumberpod and Fan Combo 3.0 — $200.00

New parents: Few things spark more joy than a good night’s sleep. Just ask W+G’s Deputy Editor, Alexis Berger.

“The first few times I traveled with my baby, my husband and I slept in the same room as him, whether at a hotel or at a friend or family member’s house. This means we’ve needed to tip-toe in the dark to get whatever we need, since the baby goes to sleep before we do,” she says. “The SlumberPod has completely solved our problem. The privacy tent fits over a travel crib, making the baby’s sleeping environment totally dark to an extent that he isn’t disturbed when my husband and I have the lights on in the room. It features ventilation flaps and comes with a fan for safe sleep, and it packs up into a small drawstring bag that fits inside any carry-on. It has for sure become a must-pack item for my little family.”

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Trader Joes, Sweet Corn, Burrata, + Basil Ravioli — $4.00

If you’re sad, go to Trader Joe’s. It’s scientifically proven* to refill your proverbial cup to the point of overflowing. Last week I filled my cart with tasty treats like the Hold the Cone ice creams, Unexpected Cheddar Cheese Dip, and these summery raviolis, which brought both me and my belly pure bliss.

* It was actually just proven by me. 

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The Sill, Snake Plant Laurentii — $68.00

“My boyfriend and I have been settling into our new apartment, and adding in some greenery to our space has been at the top of our to-do list,” says Amelia McBride, W+G’s editorial assistant. “This snake plant from The Sill is stunning and has earned a permanent place in our home office. I’m notoriously bad at keeping plants alive; since snake plants only need to be watered once every two weeks and can thrive in practically any light, I’ve been able to enjoy its beauty without stressing about the upkeep!”

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Ellis Brooklyn, Florist Eau De Parfum — $108.00

W+G’s Commerce Director, Gina Vaynshteyn, says a few spritzes of this flowery perfume makes her feel like a “brand new, shiny person.”

“It’s everything you’d want from a floral perfume, but better,” she says. “You know when you pass a person in the hallway or at a restaurant, and their perfume is so sweet and enchanting, you’re drawn to this person like a magnet, and compelled to ask them what their perfume is? This is that kind of perfume. You will get questions. You will get compliments. You will wear it down to the very last drop and buy three more bottles.”

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Snif, Sweet Ash Candle — $44.00

McBride also jumped on the aromatherapy train to “spark” a bit of joy. “Lighting this candle has become my favorite way to unwind after a long day,” she says. “This scent is absolutely delicious: It’s a mix of sweet scents like vanilla bean and earthy scents like balsam and moss, creating a soft and masculine fragrance that’s not too overpowering. It has great throw power (one candle has filled my three-bedroom apartment with fragrance) and has lasted me for weeks.”

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Fiorucci, Angels Sweatshirt — $102.00

Alright, Fiorucci is the only *designer* brand I’ll get weird over solely because I have an emotional attachment to it. My very Italian mother used to talk about it growing up and sing that Sister Sledge song (Halston /Gucci /Fiorucci) whenever she reminisced about her college days. She’s so cool! And I always wanted to be cool like her! So, when I saw the brand was throwing a mega spring sale, discounting this vintage crewneck down from $170 to $102, I added it to my cart, no questions asked. An impulse buy, but one that makes me smile (and hum “He’s The Greatest Dancer”) whenever I wear it.

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Nicpro, Dry Erase Wall Decal — $9.00

Arguably more practical, W+G Health Writer, Han Schneider, bought this sticky dry erase paper for getting organized. “It’s been super helpful for writing out cleaning to-do lists that I just wipe away when I’m done,” she says. “I have been able to write cute menus for friends that have come over for dinner and can write things that I can’t forget.”

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Betty Crocker, Fruit Roll-Ups (Pack of 10) — $3.00

“Thanks TikTok,” says Vaynshteyn. Enough said.

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Breathing in deeply and calmly through the nose and out through the mouth signals to your parasympathetic system, which helps you calm down, that “it’s time to transition into sleep,” says Raj Dasgupta, MD, FAASM, sleep expert and spokesperson for the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.

Certain breathing exercises support quality sleep because they slow down your breath, which increases comfort and relaxation while reducing stress and anxiety, explains Martin Seeley, CEO and sleep expert at Mattress Next Day, a UK-based bed, mattress, and sleep-accessories retailer. When you’re intentional about calming your stressors or anxiety triggers by using the lengthened breath technique, your mind might just quiet down enough to get good-quality shut-eye.

When you don’t pay attention to your breath, it can become shorter and faster, which increases heart rate—and that’s not exactly ideal for falling asleep.

Your body reacts differently when you’re not fully aware of how you’re breathing. “Our breaths can become short and fast, which increases our heart rate and creates a less than ideal state of mind before bed,” says Rebecca Robbins, PhD, sleep expert at sleep-tech company Oura, creator of the Oura Ring.

How to practice the lengthened breathing exercises for sleep

Start by relaxing into a comfortable position, says Seeley. From there, breathe in for two seconds through your nose, then breathe out for four seconds through your mouth. To get the best results, you’ll want to repeat this for a couple of minutes.

Once you’ve noticed that you’re calmer than you were before you laid down, increase the length of your inhales to three seconds (still through your nose) and exhales for six seconds (still through your mouth), Seeley says. Continue doing this for a few minutes, ensuring that your exhales are twice as long as your inhales, even if you extend the length of your inhales further. So, if you’re inhaling for four seconds, you’d exhale for eight. If it’s a five-second inhale, you’d have a 10-second exhale.

That said, do “be mindful of your own abilities,” says Seeley. “If you extend your exhalation further than your capacity allows, your body will go into survival mode,” which might undo the work that you’re trying to do. To avoid this, start off slow and gauge how long you can inhale and exhale.

The reason for the twice-as-long exhale is that practicing the lengthened-breath technique to help you fall asleep sooner is all about controlling your breathing. The benefits from this technique are at their peak when you’re intentionally breathing this way to calm yourself down.

Moreover, says Dr. Robbins, “adding the complexity of ‘in for two and out for four’ helps us to focus on the breathing and keeps our thoughts at bay.” So the next time you feel like you can’t get any sleep because of anxious thoughts or any other reason, try the lengthened-breath technique to see if it does the trick for you.

Looking for something else to help you fall asleep fast? Watch this video to get an herbal tea recipe for a better night’s rest:

Perhaps you didn’t get enough sleep the previous night and are overtired, or the movie’s runtime pushes well past when you’d typically go to bed. Or, frankly, maybe the movie is just not that engaging. But if a painfully dry, three-hour documentary isn’t to blame, and if you chronically, unwittingly snooze even during high-octane action scenes from the most epic of Marvel sequels, you may be dealing with a bigger culprit.

“Falling asleep during movies is incredibly common, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a normal or healthy behavior,” says Sarah Silverman, PsyD, a behavioral sleep medicine specialist. “Benign on occasion, if it becomes a regular occurrence, it’s important to weigh the potential reasons for why it may be happening.”

What science says (and doesn’t) about why you fall asleep during movies

No explicit scientific research has been published on this particular issue, and for that reason, Dr. Silverman recommends patients meet with a sleep specialist or undergo an individualized sleep study in order to determine if a sleep disorder may be behind your snoozing. “Sleep disorders are highly treatable, and sometimes dozing off on a regular basis can be a sign of an underlying medical condition,” says Dr. Sliverman.

Sleep apnea, for instance, “often goes overlooked or misdiagnosed, especially in women,” says Silverman. “While loud, persistent snoring is a classic symptom of it, another telling sign is having daytime drowsiness in a variety of situations on a consistent basis. If dozing off during a movie becomes a constant ‘thing’ for you, it’s worth considering.”

Even insomnia can be at play here, according to health psychologist and behavioral medicine specialist Julia Kogan, PsyD, who specializes in sleep disorders. Although one may assume those with difficulty falling asleep would have no problem staying awake through a movie, “if someone is not getting adequate sleep, they may find it easy to doze in certain situations not directly tied to sleep,” Dr. Kogan says.

This explains the frustrating scenario in which someone may fall asleep easily while watching a movie, reading a book, or listening to a podcast, but as soon as they get into bed and try to go to sleep, they can’t. “The interesting thing about sleep is that it’s a behavior that happens passively,” says Dr. Silverman. “It happens when you aren’t actively thinking about it. When you’re watching a movie, you’re typically distracted by the movie and that’s when sleep tends to easily unfold.”

Aside from treatment for a potential sleep disorder, there are plenty of ways people can adjust their lifestyle—or even, more simply, their specific movie-watching habits—to make for a pleasantly sleep-free cinematic experience.

8 ways to help yourself stay awake during a movie

1. Reconsider traditional dinner-and-a-movie meal and snack choices

“Foods high in carbs may cause us to feel more drowsy, and people tend to watch movies after dinner or they eat heavy snacks during movies,” Dr. Kogan says. Sugary treats should also be avoided—even though they can provide an initial rush, the spike is inevitably followed by a crash in blood glucose levels. “If you’re eating before or during the movie, focusing on a well-balanced meal, with vegetables and protein, can be helpful for wakefulness.”

2. Limit alcohol

Because alcohol depresses the central nervous system, it has a sedative effect that helps you relax and more easily fall asleep. So Dr. Kogan says to avoid or minimize alcoholic beverages when you know you want to watch a movie, as doing so will help you stay more alert.

3. Put some sleep in the bank

If you know you are planning a Friday night movie date, it’s not enough to get to bed on time on Thursday. “Make sure you’re prioritizing your sleep during the entire week,” says Dr. Silverman. “Ensure that you’re giving yourself enough opportunity to sleep the number of hours your body needs to feel well-rested on a regular basis.”

4. Don’t get too comfortable

“Being comfy during a movie is nice, but certain conditions remind us of sleep,” Dr. Kogan says. Think: theaters with cozy reclining seats or a couch with pillows and blankets. “Try sitting in an upright position on the couch or in a chair,” she recommends.

5. Leave a light on

Similarly, Kogan notes that a blackened room can make it easier to sleep. No one wants to kill the mood—or make it harder to see the screen—with a bright room, but consider keeping at least one light on at a low setting.

6. Stay active

If at home, there are plenty of ways to keep your body active. “Stand up while watching the movie, fold laundry, or do some gentle stretching or yoga poses,” says Dr. Silverman. She also encourages pausing the film every so often for a quick walk around the house. This isn’t so easy to do in a theater setting, but if you’re prone to snoozing at the cinema, consider picking an aisle seat in the back and take breaks to stand up at the back of the room (so long as you’re not blocking anyone else’s view).

7. Keep ice handy

Particularly if you’re at an actual movie theater and can’t just get up and move around, sip on a cold beverage. Better yet: Ask for a cup of ice. When you feel yourself dozing off, Dr. Silverman says to “take a few ice cubes and rub them on the back of your neck or your wrists for a few seconds” to jolt your system.

8. Don’t wait too long to push play

“If you start a movie at the time your body is preparing for sleep,” says Dr. Kogan, sleep is what you’ll soon get. Dr. Silverman suggests starting the movie earlier so that it ends just before bedtime. It’s also worth remembering: Matinees can be fun, too!

Whatever the reason, I finally decided to bite the bullet. Carpe diem, right? And spoiler alert: I’m so glad I did.

I’m not the only person who’s curious about this practice, either. According to Google Trends, searches for fitness trampoline are on the rise, up 60 percent in just the past few days. This could be, in part, because experts believe it’s an enjoyable, unique activity that can be notably beneficial for your physical and mental health (which we’ll get to in a bit).

What my first trampoline class was like

For my online classes and trampoline, I decided to look into The Ness, the first trampoline fitness company I’d heard of, though there are other brands that offer rebounding or bounce classes (two other names you’ll hear these classes called often), including obé, body by Simone, and LEKFIT, a rebounder studio that celebrity trainer Lauren Kleben started out of her garage in Los Angeles.

While based in New York City, The Ness has tons of online workout classes that are a “dance-based, movement-focused fitness method” you can enjoy at your own pace, according to their website. As someone who loves a good Zumba class and appreciates being able to take breaks when I need to, I thought The Ness was a perfect fit for me.

“I love the trampoline because it’s really low-impact, but it’s not lacking in intensity,” Colette Dong, co-founder of The Ness, previously told Well+Good. “So it’s really high adrenaline, it’s very much still cardio, and it gets your entire lymphatic system draining and moving,” she says. “When you go up your weight lifts, and when you go down you’re three times your weight, so with every bounce you’re pumping that lymphatic system.” So bouncing helps your internal detox process work more optimally to eliminate cellular waste, bacteria, and pathogens, while reducing inflammation, staving off disease, and promoting good digestion.

Here’s what a trampoline workout looks like to give you a sense: 

Once I asked for and received a trampoline from The Ness, I immediately put it together in my backyard. I have to admit I got a little high off of the fact I built it myself (though it was so easy, this wasn’t quite a feat). Then, I looked through the catalog of classes on my laptop, picking Lil’s “simple bounce #2,” which is 20 minutes. (I didn’t want to start off too hard at the beginning!) I set my laptop on a patio chair and got to jumping.

After a few quick jumps on the trampoline, I unlocked my inner child and felt seven years old again. I mean, you hear about the importance of engaging in movements you find enjoyable, but I didn’t realize they could be that fun, you know? More specifically, I especially loved the jumping jacks and “scissor” moves in Lil’s video. Additionally, she was encouraging and played fun songs throughout, which is a crucial part of any class for me.

The trampoline and virtual workouts do take getting used to, however. I felt a little wobbly at times (which is to be expected, especially if you haven’t been on a trampoline in a while), but overall I felt safe. My bodyweight was supported, the trampoline was large enough, and Lil was reassuring.

I was surprised by how low-key hardcore it was. Before long, my legs were sore.

I was surprised by how low-key hardcore it was. Before long, my legs were sore. (For context: I don’t exercise every day and rarely do any type of strength training, but I do play volleyball and/or walk or dance fairly regularly.) I definitely had to take breaks throughout to just breathe and give my legs a minute, but this worked out perfectly since I could just pause the video. Plus, I only had to rest a couple minutes before I was back at it, so not being totally wiped out or in pain for days after (like I have been after some workouts) was nice.

Mentally, I felt a little self-conscious about the fact I couldn’t jump as quickly or as steadily as the instructor. Her jumps were so consistent and clean, and mine were…not. I had to remind myself that’s okay. I was moving my body and having fun—and that’s the point, after all! I reminded myself that this was my workout time, and I wanted to do what I needed to do to make it sustainable, comfortable, and fun.

I say all this to normalize taking breaks and opting for modifications. While movement has many benefits on mental health, I know firsthand that it can quickly get you down, too, if you compare yourself. (And on that note, I wish there was more representation of various bodies among fitness instructors.)

What I wish I’d known before my first bounce class

If you’re interested in trampoline fitness, here’s what you need to know: Trampoline classes incorporate a variety of movements. While the types of jumps vary, to start, you can also add on arm weights, for example, or simple stretches. This type of exercise is great if you want to combine strength training, cardio, balance, and learning choreography.

The health benefits are all there, too. You’ve probably already heard about how, to quote Legally Blonde: “Exercise gives you endorphins, [and] endorphins make you happy.” Furthermore, exercise helps with anxiety, mood, and other mental health conditions, and that’s in addition to the physical benefits. With trampoline fitness specifically, you’re looking at increased strength, improved bone density, better balance, a healthier heart, stress relief, and—obviously—fun.

“Moving quickly and bouncing, as we do in a trampoline workout, helps to discharge and release [stuck] energy, which also results in a release of dopamine, another feel-good hormone.”—Anna Hindell, LCSW-R, therapist

“Bounce is one of the best things you can do for your body,” says Aly Giampolo, CPT, one of the co-founders and bounce instructors at The Ness. “It’s one of very few workouts that is high intensity while also being low-impact.”

So, if you experience joint pain, this may be a better way for you to get moving. “The soft mat and cords allow the trampoline to have ‘give’ so that acceleration and deceleration is absorbed,” explains Dong. “This can eliminate up to 80 percent of the shock of landing a jump, making it easier on your body.”

The “give” factor makes trampoline workouts more inclusive, which is huge. “We’ve had clients for 9+ years who started in their 40s and are now nearing [their] 50s without slowing down or missing a beat,” Dong shares. “The trampoline is also beneficial for new and expecting moms because it strengthens the pelvic floor.”

Through bounce classes, you can also release emotions and emotional discomfort that is “stuck,” so to speak. “When we are anxious or stressed out, we have stored emotions and energy in our body,” says Anna Hindell, LCSW-R, CIYT, a therapist with Choosing Therapy. “Moving quickly and bouncing, as we do in a trampoline workout, helps to discharge and release [stuck] energy, which also results in a release of dopamine, another feel-good hormone.”

I noticed this myself. Jumping immediately made me feel happier, and it served as a distraction from other worries. I released my anxious energy through movement and feel pretty good about myself after.

Hindell believes a rigorous, yet fun, workout is a fantastic way to lift your mood. And that’s just it: It makes sense that more enjoyable exercises are better for your well-being (at least in some ways), right?

Best bounce practices to keep in mind

If you have the same feelings going in that I did—excited, but also nervous about the unfamiliarity aspect—Giampolo shares tips to ease your mind.

1.Ensure your trampoline is on a flat surface

A hardwood floor, carpet, grass, and sand will all do as long as they’re flat, Giampolo says. (My backyard has a slight incline to it, which may have worsened my calf pain and wobbliness.)

2. Be mindful of how you jump

Giampolo encourages staying low, not jumping for height, using your abdominal muscles and the backs of your legs, keeping your knees slightly bent, and energizing down through your heels. (Dong shared trampoline mistakes with Well+Good, too, that are worth checking out.)

3. Modify moves as desired

You can even eliminate the bounce aspect, Giampolo says, if that’s more comfortable. The movements don’t need to be done on a trampoline.
Pick the right shoe. More specifically, a tennis shoe that’s supportive, light, and fairly flat. More supportive shoes with higher platforms can make balancing more difficult, she explains. (I can confirm this, oops!)

Meanwhile, Hindell’s biggest recommendation is to listen to your body and not push yourself too hard, too fast. Build up your confidence and stamina. “Bouncing can quickly get your heart rate up, so if you are new, you want to jump and take frequent breaks,” she says. What’s more, shorter and more frequent jump sessions are best for your mental health, she adds.

Ready to get started? I recommend picking a class that’s about half the length of a typical workout for you, at least for your first bounce session. Then, you can figure out what you’re looking for, whether that’s just jumping, jumping with weights, or a mix of the two. (FWIW, Giampolo says many of her clients enjoy classes that entail both jumping with and without weights.)

Finding an exciting exercise routine for you specifically is vital. “If you want to start a workout that will also support your mental health, you need to do something that you find fun, convenient, and affordable as to remove barriers to the workout,” Hindell says.

On that note, the cost can be a barrier to bounce classes, but it feels worth it to me

While the price isn’t cheap—a monthly digital subscription to The Ness is $39.99—the quality is solid. Monthly digital subscriptions from obé ($25), LEKFIT ($34.99), and body by Simone ($19.99), are all comparable, and there are also free trampoline workouts on YouTube you can try at home. The biggest upfront investment is buying a trampoline—the most popular brand by far for bounce studios are Jumpsport trampolines, which start at about $240. FYI, most of the proprietary trampolines studios offer are produced in partnership with Jumpsport. For example, The Ness trampoline is $499.99 and desigend by them. So one way to save yourself some cash is by purchasing a trampoline first or second hand online.

Ultimately, I do think it’s worth it. Trampoline workouts are more intense than I expected, but I did have a lot of fun. Plus, I’m guessing some of the trickier parts—like balance and mental comfort—will get easier as I do more bounce sessions. Next time, I plan on incorporating more of the moves I enjoyed and less of the ones I didn’t.

I also plan to keep reminding myself that exercise isn’t about “looking pretty,” it’s about having fun and feeling good. And let’s just say that while I’ll always have a special place in my heart for volleyball, I absolutely gushed to a friend earlier about how fun hopping onto my new trampoline is.

With the continued growth of teletherapy—available through mobile apps, phone calls, and videoconferencing—along with increased numbers of people seeking support, you may find yourself having to switch gears from therapy to real life and vice versa. In fact, CDC data show that the percentage of adults aged 18–44 seeking mental health treatment increased between 2019 and 2021 (from 18.5 percent to 23.2 percent). Women in this age category were more likely than men to obtain treatment in the form of medication or counseling.

Whether you attend therapy in person or virtually, you may feel like you’re spreading yourself thin when therapy and work, unavoidably collide. If you’re a parent or caregiver, the workday may offer the only block of uninterrupted time for you to focus on your needs. Fortunately, there are things you can do to get the most out of your therapy session while still tending to your to-do list.

Resuming work after a therapy session

It’s common to experience a range of emotions following a therapy session. Sometimes you’ll feel relieved, perhaps after gaining some insight into a problem or learning new strategies to reduce stress. Other times you may feel emotionally drained, or have a therapy hangover, so it can be helpful to develop practices to ease the transition between therapy and your work commitments.

“Having a tangible or physical change can help your brain make space between the session and work,” says Daryl Appleton, EdD, MEd, psychotherapist, and Fortune 500 executive coach. For example, you can stretch or move around, listen to a song, splash cold water on your face, grab a snack or cup of tea, change your clothes, or go into a different room. The idea is to find something calming and rejuvenating that can provide a reset.

If you can, try to avoid scheduling anything for one to two hours after your appointment. “Allow post-session time to be one of reflection and transition,” Dr. Appleton says. She suggests keeping a list of reflections or concerns that you can then unpack in therapy.

Even if you’re short on time, “setting aside 60 seconds for a mindful minute can offer a supportive buffer,” says Michelle Felder, LCSW, MA, founder and CEO of Parenting Pathfinders. “Refilling your emotional cup before taking on tasks from work is a great way to take care of yourself.” She also suggests working with your therapist to create a plan that includes coping skills to manage this transition.

Preparing yourself emotionally for therapy

Depending on your goals for therapy, there are benefits and drawbacks to scheduling an appointment during your workday. For example, if your goal is to “address situations and dynamics related to work, it can be helpful to have a break to process your work life so you can reenter your workplace in a better frame of mind,” Felder says. Conversely, if you’re working through grief or trauma, it’s probably wise to avoid therapy on a day that requires you to focus your emotional energy on work.

Ultimately it may come down to a matter of time and personal preferences. To the extent possible, avoid booking an appointment during the middle of your day or a busy week, Dr. Appleton says. She suggests doing therapy first thing in the morning with transition time or, if needed, at the end of the day when you have a lighter workload.

If your appointment is later in the day, you may be feeling anxious about what you’re going to discuss. “Having a pre-session ritual to collect your thoughts can be immensely helpful,” Dr. Appleton says. She encourages her clients to keep a running list of topics and to go through them and identify the top three before they meet.

Another pre-session ritual is using mindfulness to engage your senses so that you feel calm and grounded. As Felder explains, you can spend a few minutes sitting still and focusing on your breath, journaling your thoughts and feelings, doing a body scan of the sensations you’re experiencing, or taking a walk and noticing what you see, hear, and smell.

Deciding what to share with your employer or coworkers

What you share with your boss or coworkers will depend on your relationship, workplace culture, and environment (i.e., working remotely, the physical layout of the office). “If you feel comfortable, talking about therapy can be a great way to connect with those around you professionally and personally,” Dr. Appleton says. While no one should pressure you to talk about therapy, sharing your experience “can help normalize caring for your mental health and perhaps inspire others to prioritize their own,” Felder says.

When blocking off time for therapy, you can mark it in your calendar as a doctor’s appointment or private appointment. If your appointment is during your lunch break or you’ve received approval for the time off, “you are under no obligation to disclose what you’re spending your time doing,” Felder says. Ideally, your colleagues will respect your privacy and refrain from asking questions.

If they do inquire about your private appointment, Felder suggests saying, “I have something private to take care of at that time” or “I have an appointment, but it’s not interfering with any of my responsibilities at work.” If available, speaking to human resources is an option if their questions persist, Dr. Appleton adds.

Following therapy, if you find yourself unable to focus or be fully present in your personal or professional life, “it can be helpful to share this with a close friend or family member,” Felder says. Both she and Dr. Appleton recommend discussing any challenges you’re having with your therapist to explore ways to navigate this transition and alleviate your distress.

Unless you expect your colleagues to be understanding and supportive, it’s probably wise to avoid putting yourself into a vulnerable position, especially at a time when you’re experiencing heavy emotions, Felder says. Her advice is to develop a consistent routine for how you begin and end therapy to better support your mental health.

Friluftsliv (pronounced “free-loofts-liv”) is about stepping out under open skies and breathing fresh air. “Norwegians regard friluftsliv as activities in nature, such as walking, bicycling, berry and mushroom harvesting, fishing, hunting, sleeping in a tent or hammock, sailing, climbing, skating, swimming, and cross-country skiing,” says Bente Lier, general secretary at Norsk Friluftsliv, Norway’s outdoors association. “Relaxing, observing the quiet, enjoying the smell of coffee brewing on a bonfire, is all friluftsliv,” says Lier.

The weather is no reason to miss out on that free air life—if anything, a good bluster can be downright cozy in good waterproofs. Not that it needs to be extreme: A nice park walk or gardening could be friluftsliv too, and even just opening the windows and letting in some fresh air will go a long way to perk you up.

But when my American partner asked me what I thought was so different about the air outside, I was stumped. Fresh air; it’s simply good! Right?!

I spent the next few days thinking about it, getting no closer to explaining something that felt as obvious to me as gravity. I asked some other Norwegians why fresh air is good, and they didn’t understand the question. My father, who goes cross-country skiing at the edge of town most days in retirement, tried his best: “You can’t get fresh air in the city. Too much road dust. Nature is where it’s at.” He paused, realizing his definition might be too strict. “I need to think about this.”

I asked some other Norwegians why fresh air is good, and they didn’t understand the question.

He’s not the only one who’s struggling. An otherwise thorough 138-page report on friluftsliv by the Norwegian Ministry of Climate and Environment lists fresh air alongside sunlight and relaxation as things we simply know to be good. The closest this government report gets to explaining is when it quotes a Norwegian novel where a doctor prescribes fresh air to his patients, directing them to “the great pharmacy”: the forest outside Oslo.

Seeking a more scientific explanation, I reached out to the American Lung Association, which put me in touch with Brian Christman, MD, a pulmonologist and professor of medicine at Vanderbilt University. He assured me that fresh air is definitely a thing: “Homes used to be drafty, so people spent a lot of time trying to insulate. But eventually we began to have problems because of indoor air pollution,” says Dr. Christman. Air can deteriorate due to things like carbon monoxide leaks, cars idling by the building’s air intake, or because of harmful radon emanating from the ground. Furniture off-gassing and chemical cleaning supplies can also fill the air with fumes. “Just airing out the home would prevent those things from staying around,” he says.

And what about the air in the woods? “The trees and plants will have scavenged most of the pollutants. A lot will be down to dilution, but the air there is just a bit more pure,” says Dr. Christman. He adds that no, it’s unlikely that the air in the woods has some extra quality that’s missing from other air—it’s just less dirty.

The Norwegian in me has mixed feelings about this. Surely the air in the mountains isn’t special only because it doesn’t irritate my airways?

Maybe it’s not just the air itself. Some research has found that even just seeing greenery can be beneficial to our health. In her recent study, Jun Wu, PhD, professor of environmental and occupational health at University of California, Irvine, found that being close to green spaces reduces the risk of postpartum depression. “One of the most important factors was the trees on their street,” says Dr. Wu. “We looked at people’s proximity to parks, but that variable was less important than having a straight view to a green space.”

Dr. Wu’s previous study found even starker results: Simply looking at nature on video led to improved mental health for pregnant women: “Just by watching the video, [without] other beneficial effects such as exercise or reduced pollution, you still have a beneficial effect.” There’s something about the view of the trees themselves.

Asked if my father is right and you can’t get properly fresh air in the city, Dr. Wu says we’re primarily at risk of health problems when there’s several things going on at once: “So if you have multiple stressors such as limited green space, heavy air pollution, and extreme heat exposure, that’s when the disadvantages come.”

Still, friluftsliv is about more than either fresh air or greenery. A search for the origin of the term brought me to the influential Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen, who coined “friluftsliv” in his 1859 poem “On the heights”: “In the desolate cottage / My abundant catch I gather / There’s a hearth and a table / Friluftsliv for my thoughts.” Here, Ibsen is having a very nice time by himself in the wilderness, but the “fresh air life” he talks about is mental: His thoughts are free to run.

So many of my childhood memories are about moseying around in the woods and drinking from streams, running in the sandy shallows of a mountain lake, and eating as many berries as I picked for my bucket. My experience isn’t particularly special among Norwegians. One study shows that unlike sports, friluftsliv is equally enjoyed across social classes and genders. This is in part due to allemannsretten, the Norwegian right to roam: “You can walk, ride your bike, or sleep in a tent almost everywhere, no matter who owns the land,” says Bente Lier. This means you don’t have to go very far: “The barriers to go into nature are few.”

There are seemingly endless health benefits to being in nature—it’s pretty much a guaranteed mood boost. But there’s a lot going on when we head for the hills: It typically means hearing and smelling the forest, seeing wildlife, moving our bodies, and taking a break from stressful things. Nature doesn’t want anything from us; it’s a place where we can feel free. I started to wonder if the lore of fresh air is actually shorthand for all these other things.

“Friluftsliv has a deeper meaning,” says Lier. “It means being a part of the cultural ‘we,’ which binds us together as humans who’re a part of nature, and as humans [who share] a common culture.” Put like this, it’s almost like nature is part of us. Another term for this is biophilia: the belief that we have an instinct and a drive to connect with nature, due to the fact that we evolved in the wild and needed nature to survive. I bet Henrik Ibsen would have loved that.

The diet industry has led us to believe we need to restrict certain foods and food groups in order to be healthier, happier, have more energy—you name it. And there always seems to be some new list of “foods you should never eat.”

But depriving ourselves is not the way to achieve a healthier lifestyle. We may think we need diets and food rules to keep ourselves in check, but this scarcity mindset where certain foods or food groups are off limits actually makes us more likely to overeat those foods (or any food within arms reach) in the future.

Depriving ourselves is not the way to achieve a healthier lifestyle.

This isn’t because we “lack willpower” or “failed at dieting,” it’s because the act of making a food forbidden actually increases the allure of it until there is permission to eat it. We can think of it as a “forbidden fruit” effect. It’s part of the vicious dieting cycle where we cut out foods, feel guilty if we eat them, swear to never eat them again, then crave and overeat them over and over again.

Why changing the narrative around what foods we shouldn’t be eating is so important

Once we let go of our food rules and give ourselves permission to eat any food we want, we take the power away that those forbidden foods held over us. We’re no longer unable to keep those foods in the house or find ourselves at the bottom of the pint, bag, or box of them after a bad day. This unconditional permission to eat whatever we want, whenever we want (not just when we’ve “been good all week” or “when the diet is over”) is considered an abundance mindset.

Instead of looking for ways to cut things out of our diets, we should be looking for ways to enrich them.

While this unrestricted view of eating can sound a little scary at first (you may think, won’t I just eat ice cream all of the time?!), it is actually what prevents us from obsessing over and losing “control” around foods and helps us move toward a more positive relationship with food and our bodies.

This is one of the reasons why I believe in taking a different approach to health and wellness. Instead of looking for ways to cut things out of our diets, we should be looking for ways to enrich them. Instead of “what shouldn’t I be eating?” we should really be asking ourselves: “What can I add?”

Here are 3 things you can add to your diet to enrich your health and well-being

1. Nourishment

When looking at a client’s daily intake, I will first check if there are any nutrients or food groups that are low or missing. For example, are they getting enough quality proteins? What about fiber, healthy fats, and carbohydrates? Are they eating any fruits and vegetables? More often than not, these are some of the areas lacking in our diets whether it’s due to personal preference, reduced time to prepare or think about food, or diet mentality.

For example, we tend to fear carbs because of the bad rep they’ve received so we limit or avoid them in our diets. But one major detail the diet industry has left out of its fear-mongering carb campaign is that our bodies need carbohydrates to survive. Carbs are the brain’s preferred energy source and provide energy to every single cell in the body. Even the ones that are particularly demonized like bread, pasta, and other grains have benefits like providing us with fortified nutrients such as B vitamins and iron.

I also commonly find that people are not eating enough throughout the day, whether that is due to busy schedules or again, diet mentality to choose the lowest calorie food choice or eat as little as possible. This often results in overeating at some point, typically in the evening when we get home from work and our low energy and blood sugar levels hit.

If we had more balanced meals in the day, for example, yogurt and fruit on the side of toast with peanut butter for breakfast, and a snack within those hours between lunch to when we got home from work, we’d feel a lot more energized and less irritable and starving at the end of the day.

Eating enough food from all food groups is not only necessary for proper physical and mental functioning, but also to provide satisfaction and avoid feelings of deprivation. Once we get a balance of food groups in our diets, we can start to switch up those food choices for more dietary diversity.

2. Variety

It’s super easy to get into the habit of buying the same foods each week, but there are some major benefits to switching up your grocery list. This may seem obvious, but by eating a variety of foods from all food groups, you’re receiving a variety of nutrients. For example, if you always pack carrot sticks and hummus for your workday snack, you’re getting some great nutrients like vitamin A (beta carotene) and K, but if you switch it up and add red bell pepper slices in there now and then, you’re getting a boost of some other nutrients like vitamin C and B6, too.

Switching things up also helps you reap a variety of health benefits from food. For example, phytonutrients give plants their color and provide health benefits like antioxidant and anti-inflammatory effects. There are over 25,000 phytonutrients in plant foods, so the more colors we have in our diets, the more of these helpful little phytonutrients we’re receiving.

Plus, when certain foods are eaten together they can have synergistic effects where specific nutrients are better absorbed or become more bioavailable (more so than if the foods were eaten separately), which can help increase their positive effects like their ability to fight diseases. Pairs that are better together include guacamole and salsa, green tea and lemon, broccoli and tomatoes, and turmeric and black pepper.

Variety not only helps to provide a boost of nutrients, it prevents the monotony of mealtime. When we have the same breakfast, lunch, and dinner over and over again we can easily become bored and less satisfied with our meals. This makes it more likely for us to eat mindlessly, not noticing our hunger and fullness cues and potentially overeating or eating more out of boredom. Running on autopilot in this way also makes us less in tune with our personal preferences because we aren’t pausing to ask ourselves, “What am I in the mood for?” This brings us to my third must-have at mealtime.

3. Satisfaction

There are two benefits to finding satisfaction with meals: satiety and enjoyment. Having a balance of food groups at meals—starches/grains, protein, fat, fruit/vegetables will provide more satisfaction than if just one or two food groups were present. For example, eggs and plain toast at breakfast may hold us for a little while, but if we were to add avocado to our toast and a side of fruit, it would be more filling and satisfying. (The fiber in the fruit and fat in the avocado are to thank for that).

Fats especially boost satisfaction because they are energy dense, so they are more satiating, keeping us fuller longer, and their creamy texture and savory taste make meals more pleasurable—picture the taste of dry toast versus toast with butter or avocado.

Balanced, satisfying meals can help us avoid overeating, too, as can eating foods we enjoy or desire. For example, have you ever ordered a salad when you really wanted the pasta dish? You may have found that you then ate more bread or snacked when getting home from the restaurant because the meal you chose didn’t satisfy your tastebuds. Avoiding cravings or depriving ourselves of foods we enjoy can eventually result in overeating and keep the whole guilt-restrict-overeat cycle going.

We often get so caught up in choosing the “best” food choices that we forget that eating is not just about fueling our bodies, it’s supposed to be a pleasurable experience, too. This is why it’s helpful to ask ourselves how we can feel more satisfied with or find more enjoyment in our meals.

I believe that adding to our diets so that we are eating enough, getting a balance and variety of foods, and incorporating foods we enjoy are ways we can not only avoid the pitfalls of dieting but practice self-care and show ourselves self-love. This doesn’t mean you have to do a complete overhaul of your day-to-day eating. You can simply take a look at one meal or snack and see what you can add for more balance.

So say you always have the same salad with chicken for lunch, try adding a grain like cooked barley, quinoa, or farro for some extra nutrients and added textures. Or if you have toast with peanut butter for breakfast, maybe try adding some blueberries, a sprinkle of cinnamon and drizzle of honey to switch things up and add a boost of fiber, antioxidants, and satisfaction.

Or maybe you have been craving something sweet after dinner but only allow yourself a piece of fruit. Give yourself permission to enjoy the dessert you love instead or add something delicious like chocolate peanut butter cups with your fruit to take baby steps toward an abundance mindset.

Whether it’s big or small changes, incorporating more balance, variety, and satisfaction will make the eating experience more positive, exciting, and nourishing for your body and soul.

That feeling of warmth and delight that comes from experiencing little bursts of happiness has a name: joy snacking. Coined by Dr. Richard Sima, PhD, neuroscientist and columnist at The Washington Post, the idea is that experiencing sustained joy through encountering small wonders throughout the day will contribute to an overall sense of calm and happiness. He cites research published last February in the journal Nature of Human Behavior, which found that appreciating even the small occurrences of joy we encounter throughout the day can be beneficial and lend meaning to our lives.

And there are evidence-based reasons why something seemingly small, like a favorite song playing on shuffle or petting a cute dog, lifts moods.

The science of joy snacking

While the scientific study of happiness and joy is relatively new, studies have found that experiencing joy causes the brain to release chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins, and norepinephrine that are responsible for pleasurable feelings and happy associations with certain activities. And there are numerous mental and physical health benefits to experiencing the positive emotions that fall under the broad category of joy, like gratitude, optimism, amusement, and awe, such as lower risk of cardiac events and increased longevity.

It’s human instinct to chase these feelings because “intuitively and evolutionarily we approach things that we predict or anticipate will be pleasurable and will result in joy, and we withdraw or try to escape from things that are threatening or unpleasant,” says Emiliana Simon-Thomas, PhD, science director at the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center.

However, according to Dr. Simon-Thomas, another reason joy feels so good to us is because it’s a salve for the fast pace of modern life. Because of all the commitments people have, even leisure activities—like reading for a book club—can be made more weighty by being tied up with commitments.

Additionally, Dr. Simon-Thomas adds that American society can make it feel like joy comes from material possessions primarily; she says deriving joy solely from material goods and circumstances doesn’t work as a long-term strategy because it requires certain privileges to attain these things.

The fast pace of life means it’s not always possible to make time for big events and happenings that make us happy, and it also means it can be tough to appreciate small joys in the moment as well. So it’s important to slot in even the little moments of awe and wonder (aka joy) whenever you can.

Aside from simply experiencing the joyful moments themselves, it’s key to take time to reflect and appreciate them. Studies have found that savoring, or appreciating and marinating in happy thoughts, benefits sleep and overall well-being. Reflection is an essential piece of Dr. Simon-Thomas’ research through the Big Joy Project, a program that presents people around the world with brief, joy inducing exercises for seven days, and helps them learn to incorporate joy into their daily lives; part of the program involves reflections on how the micro-acts of joy made participants feel. “Taking a minute to really dwell and savor rebalances the landscape of the mental experience so you can have those important, positive moments,” says Dr. Simon-Thomas. It helps to reinforce the happy emotional response you’re feeling. Over time, the more you focus on small moments of joy in your day to day, the more likely you are to seek them out and recalibrate your attention on these little moments of bliss.

How to find and recognize joy in your life

So how does one find joy exactly? According to Dr. Simon-Thomas, through practice and repetition—you don’t make a habit of opening yourself up to experiencing joy without practice. And it doesn’t have to be complicated; she says it could be as simple as deciding to take a 10 minute break from work to go outside and examine a cool tree, if that makes you happy.

“If you purposefully and intentionally create experiences that are more in the direction of savoring joy and social connection those experiences are going to come more readily without effort over time.”—Emiliana Simon-Thomas, PhD,

The first step is to make time for it in your schedule. Block off time in your calendar, if that’s what it takes. The key, Dr. Simon-Thomas says, is to build this into your routine repeatedly so that eventually you won’t have to schedule it. “If you purposefully and intentionally create experiences that are more in the direction of savoring joy and social connection those experiences are going to come more readily without effort over time,” she says.

How joy snacking for 2 weeks helped me feel happier and more fulfilled

Because the goal of joy snacking is to evaluate how tiny, unexpected things that bring me joy, make me feel, I thought it would be useful to pinpoint what these are in advance. So I started by making a list of all the little things that make me happy that I encounter in my day-to-day life.

I went as granular as I could, and ended up with a list that included some experiences I often overlook such as: opening my window to the sun in the morning, seeing my neighbors walking their dogs on my daily walks, the tulips starting to open in the garden at the end of my block, the smell of espresso and freshly-baked pastries at my favorite coffee shop, the happiness I feel when I spot my friend across the street before meeting up, etc.

Once I had an idea of what to look for, I made sure to structure my schedule so I would encounter at least several of these each day. However, I didn’t want to alter my behavior too much. I also decided to include time at the end of each week to reflect on how these little encounters with joy made me feel, and to jot down some notes at the end of each day to remember what I did. With these parameters in place, I set out to see how appreciating the little things would make me feel.

Week 1

The experiment got off to a good start as I have a set morning routine that is fairly simple, but makes me happy. Parting the curtains and letting the sun through my bedroom window got me off to a great start each morning—the mood-boosting effects of sunlight being what they are.

On my daily walks, I specifically rolled by houses and neighborhoods known to have beautiful plants and architecture. Plants were starting to bloom all around Washington D.C. where I live, and I particularly find botanicals and gardens mood-boosting, so I made sure to walk on routes that would take me past artfully arranged gardens and flower beds. I also took time to sit on the patio at my local café instead of heading straight home with my coffee, and found myself chatting with other patrons and especially their dogs tied up outside. These interactions made me happy so early in the morning, and like I’d built tighter community bonds, too. I got home a bit later than usual, but that was okay because I felt more energized once I did return. I also invited my friends to join me when they could which was a nice pick-me-up.

As work ramped up during the day, it became a bit tougher to appreciate the little things. In the afternoon when I became super busy, I tried to turn to the little joys that I know make me happy, like lighting a scented candle, preparing a nourishing lunch, and tossing laundry into the machine to get a head start on my post-work to-do list. I made sure to incorporate daily walks and ate lunch away from my desk, too.

When afternoons rolled into evenings, the stressors of the outside world tested me, too—I tried to see the particularly long line at Trader Joe’s not as an annoyance or inconvenience, but as an opportunity to listen to more of my podcast, catch up with my mom over the phone, and browse through the seasonal items on display more closely.

Week 2

I was encouraged after a successful first week, but I found it tougher to appreciate the little things over the second half of this experiment because I was quite stressed before heading out on vacation. Staying up late tossed me off my routine, so I found that I spent one day not going outside much at all and totally locked into my computer. Cold, miserable weather didn’t help motivate me, either.

Not going outside for a few days, however, greatly decreased my opportunities to experience simple pleasures, so I adjusted and made sure to put myself in the best position to encounter joy by getting back to my routine and making sure to leave the house. I repeated many of the same activities as I did in the first week, but added some new ones.

During a several-day stretch of rain, I pulled my coziest knit blanket out of my winter clothes box and put new batteries in my twinkle lights to create a comfy, amber-hued vibe in my bedroom that was perfect for watching TV and drifting to sleep. On another day after Pilates class, I decided to shower at the gym and use the available fancy bath products and salon-quality hair tools rather than sprint home to my own bathroom.

Even just this small swap had me feeling refreshed and like I’d emerged from a spa. I also made time to make my comforting meals, like soups and stews, and FaceTimed my friends while I cooked. And on my walks, I tried to savor the smell of the rain on the plants and pavement, and how it made everything sparkle.

Making these adjustments when the other small joys I’d learned to love and appreciate weren’t available turned the week around quickly. By reorienting to what was accessible to me and not focusing on what wasn’t, I salvaged things.

The takeaway

Overall, I found myself feeling lighter and more at ease during the two week period I tried joy snacking. At the end, I felt a greater sense of relief and calm than I had before I started. Experiencing these small pings of happiness helped alleviate some of the stressors of daily life, and taking time to notice and appreciate them as they came along made me feel fulfilled.

Removing the pressure to feel a sense of accomplishment felt good—building in small joys that didn’t require a lot of effort or energy had a therapeutic effect on me, too. Reflecting on how this made me feel is also going to be part of my routine from now on as well. I found myself looking forward to recounting which small experiences made me happiest. I don’t plan to stop joy snacking just because the experiment is over, either. I plan to continue to fill my days with the little things that make them brighter.

Devised by sleep psychologist Shelby Harris, PsyD, in collaboration with meditation app Calm, the five sleep languages categorize people’s sleeping habits based on the hurdles they face getting a good night’s rest. In treating patients for sleep issues over the years, Dr. Harris noticed that the sleep struggles her patients were experiencing tended to fall into one of five general categories. And she used those observations to create the five sleep languages: the “Words of Worry” sleeper, the “Gifted” sleeper, the “Routine Perfectionist” sleeper, the “Too Hot to Handle” sleeper, and the “Light as a Feather” sleeper.

“Figuring out…the primary thing that gets in the way of you getting good sleep can give you [a clear idea] of what you might want to focus on first.” —Shelby Harris, PsyD, sleep psychologist

These broad categories are meant to be a starting point, and certainly, some people may find that they exhibit habits from more than one of the sleep languages. “Figuring out your main characteristic or what might be the primary thing that gets in the way of you getting good sleep can give you [a clear idea] of what you might want to focus on first in order to improve your sleep,” says Dr. Harris, whom I spoke with in relation to her partnership with Calm.

While every type of sleeper can benefit from practicing good sleep hygiene, Dr. Harris also has specific tips for people who align with each of the sleep languages. In this way, the categories can guide you to the particular information you need on how to get better sleep, based on the main type of sleep challenges you’re facing. “It’s about making good sleep more approachable,” says Dr. Harris, of the five-part framework.

Below, find a breakdown of Dr. Harris’s five sleep languages, including her tailored solutions for how each type of sleeper can catch more restful zzz’s.

The 5 Sleep Languages and Tips for Translating Each Into a Better Night’s Rest

1. The “Words of Worry” sleeper

A busy mind that won’t turn off and that turns easily to despairing thoughts is the hallmark of this sleep language. “Words of Worry” sleepers either have trouble falling asleep or wake up throughout the night because of their anxious thoughts. They may also fall into the trap of rumination (engaging in a repetitive negative thought pattern that can trigger or worsen stress, anxiety, and depression) or catastrophizing (jumping to worst-case-scenario conclusions).

If this is your sleep language, Dr. Harris suggests starting a pre-bed wind-down routine somewhere between 30 minutes and an hour before you plan to go to bed in order to give yourself plenty of time to switch gears. As part of that ritual, include activities that will help you to quiet a racing mind and shift into a calmer state of being, like practicing a sleep meditation or even singing your worries to the tune of, “Happy Birthday” (one of Dr. Harris’s personal favorite sleep tips). And aim to avoid potentially stress-inducing activities like working from your bed and doomscrolling social media and the news.

If you find that you often wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep, your best bet is to get out of bed, go to a different room, and do a quiet activity (like reading), until you start to feel drowsy enough to get back to sleep.

2. The “Gifted” sleeper

As the name implies, this type of sleeper is very good at sleeping (perhaps, too good). They can fall asleep pretty much anywhere and at any time, no matter the light, noise, or comfort level of their surroundings. And as a result, they’re typically a very good napper, too.

That ability to drop into sleep at a moment’s notice, however, can actually speak to an underlying sleep issue. (Remember the too good part?) “If you’re a gifted sleeper who has no problems throughout the day, that’s totally fine,” says Dr. Harris. “But if you’re excessively sleepy and falling asleep anywhere and everywhere, I would argue that you may actually need to see a sleep doctor because you’re likely at high risk of a car accident [if you drive], and you may have an undiagnosed sleep disorder or medication issue that could cause more problems in the long run.”

If you speak this sleep language, consider if you just aren’t spending enough time in bed. Falling asleep super quickly, in fewer than five minutes, may just be a sign of sleep deprivation, according to Dr. Harris. But, if you’re getting plenty of sleep each night (the recommended seven hours or greater), and you still feel as if you could fall asleep at any point throughout the day, then Dr. Harries recommends seeing a sleep doctor, as the quality of sleep you’re getting is likely lacking.

3. The “Routine Perfectionist” sleeper

This sleeper is the one who feels the need to abide by a strict sleep schedule and precise pre-bed routine…sometimes, to a fault. They may feel anxious or stressed about not getting enough or good-quality sleep if the conditions around their sleep or bed setup don’t exactly match their ideal. And as a result, they tend to face the most difficulty sleeping when traveling or otherwise sleeping away from home.

If this is you, it’s important to remember that while establishing and maintaining a pre-bed routine can be beneficial, an overly rigid routine can, paradoxically, make sleep harder to come by—especially if it triggers anxiety around sleep. After all, sleep is something that tends to get more elusive the more you explicitly chase it.

For that reason, Dr. Harris suggests switching up parts of your sleep routine on occasion (maybe you listen to an audiobook one night or try wearing an eye mask on another) and changing the order of things you do before bed to keep it fresh. Also, it’s important to acknowledge the fact that sometimes, the distractions of life will get in the way of your sleep schedule and routine—and that’s okay.

4. The “Too Hot to Handle” sleeper

This sleeper is the person who always tends to overheat at night—the one who’s waking up in a pool of sweat or tossing and turning beneath the covers, feeling like they’re too hot to even fall asleep in the first place. While anyone can fall into this category, people who are experiencing perimenopause or menopause are commonly “Too Hot to Handle” sleepers, given the prevalence of hot flashes and night sweats during this phase of life.

If this resonates, you’ll benefit greatly from swapping out your pajamas and bedding for more breathable, moisture-wicking options and turning down the temperature in your bedroom, so that it’s ideally somewhere between 60 and 68 degrees Fahrenheit, according to Dr. Harris.

5. The “Light as a Feather” sleeper

A person who speaks this sleep language may not have issues getting enough sleep but will still wake up tired because the sleep they clocked wasn’t deep, restful sleep for any number of different reasons (including not prioritizing sleep, having a sleep disorder, or experiencing a side effect from a medication). They also tend to be especially sensitive to sound and light and are roused easily from slumber.

If you’re in this camp, it’s best to focus on improving the regularity of your sleep, which can, in turn, boost sleep quality. That means setting and sticking to a consistent bedtime and wake-up time (which can help ensure that your body moves through all the stages of every sleep cycle, including the deepest ones) and avoiding napping during the day, so that your body is at peak tiredness come nighttime.

And again, if you are getting a sufficient amount of sleep on the regular, but still feel like you’re missing out on deep sleep or not waking up well-rested, Dr. Harris suggests seeing a sleep doctor just to make sure that a sleep condition like teeth grinding or sleep apnea might not be the root of the issue.

Unhealthy forgiveness refers to a type of forgiveness that may seem positive on the surface but can be harmful in the long run. It can look like continuously forgiving someone who repeatedly hurts you without any change in their behavior; forgiving someone without acknowledging the harm they caused or minimizing the impact of their actions; or accepting an apology too quickly, without taking the time to process and heal from the hurt the person caused.

Forgiveness is a choice after all, and there’s power in knowing that you get to choose what you allow, tolerate, and deserve. If you’re not ready to accept someone’s apology, it’s important to communicate your feelings in a clear, direct, and respectful manner. Here are some tips you can follow.

3 steps to take when you’re not ready to accept an apology

1. Take time to process your emotions

Before speaking to the person, allow yourself some time to reflect on why you’re not ready to accept their apology. It’s important to understand your feelings and make sure you’re not reacting impulsively or out of anger.

2. Be honest and direct

When you’re ready to have the conversation, be clear and honest with the person. Let them know that you appreciate their apology, but you’re not ready to accept it yet. Explain why you feel this way, and use “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame.

What to say to someone from whom you’re not ready to accept an apology:

Here are some scripts to help you brainstorm what you may want to say so you don’t wind up accepting an apology or telling someone you forgive them for something you’re not actually ready to forgive.

• “I appreciate you apologizing but I need to see changed behavior before we can move forward.”
• “I am not ready to go back to the way things were. I need some time before I can forgive you.”
• “I am not ready to forgive you. I am still deeply hurt by your actions and I would like for you to respect how I feel and give me the space that I need.”

3. Set boundaries

If the person continues to apologize or tries to pressure you into accepting their apology, it’s important to set boundaries. Let them know that you need more time to process your emotions, and that you’ll reach out to them when you’re ready to talk more.

Be open to future conversations

While you may not be ready to accept the person’s apology now, it’s important to be open to future conversations. Let them know that you value your relationship with them, and you’re willing to work toward a resolution when you’re both ready.

Remember, it’s okay to process your emotions and decide if you’re ready to accept an apology. While forgiveness can be a powerful and healing experience, it’s important to remember that it’s a personal choice and not something that should be forced or expected of someone. Ultimately, the decision to forgive someone should be based on your own values, beliefs, and emotional needs.

Introvert vs. Extrovert Quiz

The Extroversion Introversion Test by Psychology Today, which you can take here, is composed of 81 questions. It claims to take 25 minutes, but it took me almost 40 minutes to complete. According to licensed clinical social worker Darcy Sterling, PhD, who holds her doctorate in quantitative research, it’s probably worth your time. Casting a wide net with numerous questions, she says, allows for multiple questions to test the same measure and, in turn, provide for more confident conclusions. The value here is that the findings of the test may help you ascertain whether you’re more introverted versus extroverted, which can help you understand yourself better.

“We need to know ourselves to manage our own moods and our own lives so that when we show up for others, we show up as our best selves.” —Darcy Sterling, PhD, licensed clinical social worker

“We need to know ourselves to manage our own moods and our own lives so that when we show up for others, we show up as our best selves,” says Dr. Sterling. For instance, if an introvert puts too many things on their calendar, they might not have all the energy they need to be fully engaged in those activities. Another related reason the results of the introvert-extrovert quiz may be valuable to folks is that mismatches in these traits can make navigating romantic relationships tricky, adds Dr. Sterling.

After completing the quiz, you’ll receive results that break down into four scores in different categories: sociability, cognitive orientation, self-disclosure, and a need for space. Read on to find out what each means as well as how they relate to introversion and extroversion.

4 Test Measures To Determine Your Status as Introvert or Extrovert

1. Sociability

Per the sample report of the Extroversion Introversion Test, sociability is defined as “the extent to which you are outgoing and enjoy socializing.” As you may already know, a hallmark trait of a classic extrovert is thriving in social situations (i.e., higher sociability), while introverted people may be more apt to enjoy a quiet evening at home or an intimate gathering with just their closest friends (i.e., lower sociability).

2. Cognitive orientation

Essentially, this measure denotes the way that someone processes thoughts, emotions, and life experiences. Introverts tend to use metacognition (thinking about what they’re thinking) more than extroverts, which basically means that the former likes to sort through their emotions before they share them with others. On the other hand, extroverted people tend to gravitate toward working through their thoughts as they’re talking about them.

3. Self-disclosure

Self-disclosure has to do with whether you freely express your thoughts and feelings to others or tend to be a more private person. “Best of luck trying to get an introvert to tell you their life story,” says Dr. Darcy. “You have to earn the trust of an introvert.” Someone who skews more extroverted in self-disclosure, though, may be more of an open book. They may very well answer all of your questions—assuming they didn’t already disclose a lot.

4. Need for space

Need for space has to do with the extent to which you’re the type of person who prefers and requires alone time. According to Dr. Sterling, extroverted people are adept at energetically recharging by way of hanging out with others, so they’re likely to not have a huge need for alone time or personal space. Alternatively, “an introvert is, [for the most part], somebody who refuels in the absence of company of others,” says Dr. Sterling.

Knowing where you fall in the four areas of the Extroversion Introversion Test can really be a game-changer in how you understand yourself and, in turn, the way you operate in the world. Once you know how sociable you’re comfortable being, how you process your thoughts and emotions, what you like to share with others, and how much alone time you need, you can start tailoring your self-care practices in alignment with that.

Frequently Asked Questions: Introverts vs. Extroverts

What are the key differences between introverts and extroverts?

“An introvert is a person who is most comfortable being alone and gets the most fulfillment and energy by being alone,” says clinical psychologist John Mayer, PhD. In general, introverts tend to spend time thinking about communicating to the point of overthinking and also skew sensitive. They also thrive from structure and enjoy deep conversations.

To that point, introverts can enjoy socializing, but often feel drained or exhausted as a result, says clinical psychologist Thea Gallagher, PsyD. “Having time to themselves is important for introverts.” Extroverts, on the other hand, often feel the opposite. “ get a lot of joy and pleasure from being with people,” Dr. Gallagher says, adding that extroverted people are commonly comfortable engaging in small talk and often feel crowds to be energizing rather than depleting.

“[Extroverts] love stimulation, communicating, talking on the phone and texting, and love social media,” says Dr. Mayer. Extroverts typically have a wide variety of interests, enjoy being the center of attention, thrive when working on group projects, feel at ease around others, and like to share their thoughts and feelings with others, he says.

Can you be both an introvert and an extrovert?

Introversion and extroversion are on a continuum, so while people do typically fall into one category, it’s certainly possible to have tendencies from the other side. “No one is really a complete introvert or extrovert,” Dr. Mayer says. “We are some degree along that continuum.” Think of this as a similar situation of being on the cusp of two zodiac signs: While you can, in fact, only have one single sun sign, you may exhibit characteristics common to the neighboring one.

“Introverts need to be more aggressive in finding ways to avoid all the rapid-fire stimulation that the world throws at them.” —John Mayer, PhD, clinical psychologist

And being an introvert or an extrovert generally look different for each person, Dr. Gallagher adds—but that may have to do with society’s shifting priorities and communication methods more than anything else because the basis for how you identify has to do with how your brain functions. This, says psychotherapist Mayra Mendez, PhD, hasn’t really changed over time. What has is how we use our brains to participate in the changing world. “Society can make these categories look different, and people who are introverted and extroverted act differently than they used to,” says Dr. Mendez.

For example, the advent of social media has made the world “the extrovert’s paradise,” Dr. Mayer says, explaining that the medium’s various platforms have allowed for “so many ways to communicate and participate in the world.” Extroverts, Dr. Mendez says, are more likely to be active on social media, share things with the world, and feel comfortable living out loud, Mendez says. “They don’t have to work as hard to connect with other people.”

This landscape of constant connectivity can skew tough for introverts, though. “Today’s world is flooded with noise and over-communication, therefore introverts need to be more aggressive in finding ways to avoid all the rapid-fire stimulation that the world throws at them,” Dr. Mayer says.

What introverts prioritize? What should extroverts prioritize?

If you’re an introvert, it’s crucial that you make sure to schedule alone time, says Dr. Gallagher. “Make it a priority to help you keep a happy and fulfilled life.” Also key for introverts is to set healthy boundaries as a means for saying no when necessary and recharging when they need to. And given that many coping mechanisms involve social situations and other people, it’s also crucial that introverts find creative, healthy strategies, like mantras.

Boundaries should also be top of mind for extroverts—more so in the the scope of respecting those of others, Dr. Mendez says. That doesn’t mean you can’t engage with other people—just don’t be offended if they aren’t as comfortable sharing information as you are. Dr. Mayer agrees. “The most common issue that I have seen clinically is that extroverts often have problems juggling boundary setting between themselves and others,” he says.

The most important thing to remember, though, is that neither personality is preferable to the other. Introverts and extroverts may be different, but in the most complex, nuanced, and personalized way—and it’s just part of what makes you, well, you.